


The Broken One

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: Stay [1]
Category: Everybody Else (Band), Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brother/Sister Incest, Cunnilingus, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fan Soundtracks, Fanmix, First Time, Flashbacks, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Marijuana, Older Man/Younger Woman, Pregnancy, Romance, Sibling Incest, Suicide, Timelines, Tour Bus, Tour Bus Sex, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 16:27:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 28
Words: 44,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1948107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avery never knew that one day she'd have to go through life without her brother, the one who used to be her rock. The one she hurt the most. Now after his suicide she is left to put the puzzle pieces of why he did it back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with Hanson and Everybody Else. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You're lying mom," I say hoping that this was just some sick and twisted joke that my family had cooked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Broken One Chapter One

Waking as the sun came through the window of my apartment, I open my eyes and sit up begrudgingly, wiping at my eyes. I wasn't a morning person but it seems my job calls for me to be one. "Stupid fucking job," I whisper to myself as I leave the comfort of my bed and make my way down the hall.

Making it to the kitchen, I smile seeing both of my roommates already up and looking as pissed as I feel.

"Nice to know I'm not the only one who hates early mornings," I laugh as I walk to the fridge and open it, finding a jug of orange juice. Taking the jug out I put it on the counter as I get a glass down from one of the cabinets.

"I don't think anyone likes early mornings," Jonathan, my male roommate speaks up from the table he is sitting at.

I shrug and pour myself a glass of orange juice once I have the glass down. After the orange juice is poured I smile feeling Hannah take the jug from me, "Actually," I say taking a drink of my orange juice. "My brother Zac has always been a morning person," I laugh as I remember how Zac always had a habit of waking everyone up early when he lived at home.

Jonathan snorts some at my words, "Zac is a special breed," he shrugs before picking up the newspaper.

"That he is," I agree as I look at Hannah who now also has a glass of orange juice. "Do you want to get a shower first?" I ask her. I knew that one day, Hannah, Jonathan and I would have to come to a bathroom schedule but for now things seem to be okay the way they are.

Hannah sips on her orange juice and raises an eyebrow, "You sure you would be okay with that?" she asks me as if she is doubting my question.

"I'll be fine with it," I nod and give her a smile. "Honestly, I don't mind waiting today," I tell her hoping I said as sincere as my words. Today was a Monday and I want to still be lazy and prolong my getting to work.

"Then I will go first," Hannah replies as she finishes off her orange juice and puts the glass in the sink. "I won't be long," she says as she leaves the kitchen in a hurry.

I can't help but laugh as I watch Hannah leave in a hurry. Getting to the kitchen table, I have just set my glass down when I hear the phone ring.

"Who the hell is calling this early?" Jonathan asks as he furrows his brow and stands from the table, deciding to be the one to get the phone this time.

I sit down and shrug, "Who knows? Probably some telemarketer," I say rolling my eyes. Lately we had been getting calls from tons of them it seemed. Taking a few drinks of my orange juice, I watch Jonathan talk for a few seconds with whoever is on the phone. When he turns to face me I raise an eyebrow.

Jonathan chews his lip as he turns and holds the phone out to me, "It's your mom Avery," he whispers as he frowns. "She sounds really upset."

Hearing that my mom was on the other end, I feel my heart begin to beat in my chest when Jonathan says she sounds upset. I stand from the table, feeling like the walk to the phone was the longest walk I have ever taken. The whole way there I keep wondering if something has happened to my dad. That is the only reason I could see my mother being so upset and calling at six in the morning Tulsa time.

When I reach the phone, I take the receiver from Jonathan and chew on my lip, "Hello," I say feeling my heart hammering even faster in my chest now.

"Avery," my mom says once she hears my voice on the line. "I...I...I have some bad news," she stutters at first and it sounds like she is trying to fight back tears.

I just frown at her voice. It sounds like she has been crying for awhile, heck it sounds like she is still crying. "What is it?" I ask afraid of just what the bad news was. I almost feel sick to my stomach waiting on my mother's answer.

I hear her pause briefly and I know in my gut she is trying to keep herself composed long enough to tell me whatever it is.

"Zac is dead," she says just getting to the point. "Kate found him at the office overnight. He shot himself in the head," she speaks again, her voice breaking at her last words.

I go silent after my mother's words. Zac is dead. The guy I had been talking about minutes earlier. He is gone and never coming back. This has to be a really bad dream.

"You're lying mom," I say hoping that this was just some sick and twisted joke that my family had cooked up.

"I wish I were Avie baby," my says again and I can hear her start crying again. "K..Kate is going to the funeral home sometime today to make arrangements. I'll call you when I know them so you can come home," she sighs and then I hear the phone go dead.

Once the phone goes dead I just stand there still holding onto the receiver for what seems like the longest time. Finally though, I drop the receiver as I fall to the floor, watching as the phone's receiver just dangles in the air.

Everything just feels too much like a dream for it to be real. Zac can't be dead. My older brother hasn't committed suicide.

Ave?" Jonathan asks as he walks from where he had been standing in the kitchen, to where I now sit on the floor. "Are you okay?"

I turn my head and look at Jonathan, trying to find the words to say to tell him what I have just found out. Instead I am only able to shake my head as I feel tears coming down my cheeks. When did I start to cry?

Jonathan frowns and bends down to me, pulling me to him as I cry more, "You'll be okay, whatever it is," he reassures me as he rubs my back.

"No," I whisper finally able to talk. "I won't be okay," I mutter in between sobs. "Zac is dead," I finally confess as I bury my head in Jonathan's neck. "He shot himself at the office last night.

Jonathan holds me closer as he continues to rub my back but he doesn't say anything. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say right now so he is just staying silent and letting me cry.

I just cry harder now and close my eyes, wanting so badly to wake up and find out this is a dream but I know deep down it isn't. I know deep down Zac is really dead. That he has actually committed suicide.

After a while I pull away from Jonathan's embrace and wipe at my eyes. "I need to call in for work and then pack," I say trying to compose myself long enough to do both of those things. "I need my brother back," I mutter as I turn away from Jonathan and walk to my room, new tears coming down my cheeks.

The whole walk to my room I have an ache in my chest. An ache I can't describe nor can I get rid of. I, Avery Laurel Hanson am not sure just how I will cope now that I have lost Zac. He was the one person who had been my rock. The one person I had wound up hurting the most as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Mommy said he was only gone for a little while and one day I would see him again," she frowns as she kicks her feet.

The Broken One Chapter Two

The next few days seem to fade into a blur for me. I had gotten a call from my mom eventually, saying that Kate had planned for Zac to have a memorial service next week as his wishes were to be cremated. I had also eventually called into work after finding out and asked for time off. Time that I wish I didn't have to take.

Now fours days have passed since I found out Zac was dead and I am standing in the middle of the Tulsa airport looking for my mother. Holding my luggage closer to me, I sigh and look around, a few stray hairs flying up as I do so.

"Where the hell are you?" I speak under my breath as I walk a few feet away from the baggage claim. I wish I would have asked my mother when we decided she would pick me up, just where she would be standing.

Finally hearing someone calling my name, I turn, relieved to see my mother. Walking the short distance to her, I chew on my lip as I see her holding Junia on her hip.

Mom puts on a fake smile as she sees me walk over to her, "I had to bring Junia," she says as I look down at Junia. "Kate can't handle the kids right now. Your dad agreed to watch Shepherd but little miss Junebug wanted to come with me."

I just nod at my mom's words. I'd be lying if I say seeing Junia wasn't a painful reminder of Zac. It was a painful reminder of how I had hurt Zac.

"I guess I can understand Kate not being able to watch her," I say as I try to push out the memories of Zac from my mind. As long as I don't think of Zac I am fine. I wasn't a crying mess. "Let's go home," I smile as I move past my mom and head toward the doors which lead me outside.

Once we were outside, I let my mother pass me as we walk to the black SUV. Reaching the SUV I wait until my mom has opened the back hatch and then I put both of my suitcases in the back as my mother goes to put Junia in her car seat.

After my suitcases are put away, I close the hatch and got to the front of the car, getting in the passenger side of the car and buckling up as my mom starts the car and drives off.

"Aunt Avie?" Junia asks from the backseat.

I turn my head and look at the almost three year old little girl.

"Daddy is on a trip," she says once I am looking at her. "Mommy said he was only gone for a little while and one day I would see him again," she frowns as she kicks her feet. "Do you know just when I will see him again?"

I sigh at Junia's words and turn to look at my own mother, not sure what to say to the child. How do you tell a child they will never see their daddy again? I hate that Kate has just said Zac went away on a trip. Kate should have been honest with her even if she wouldn't understand it right now. She will understand it one day.

My mom looks back at me and just frowns, tears threatening to spill out from her eyes, "Junebug, you will see your daddy one day when you least expects," she says her voice wavering. I know she isn't sure exactly what to say either. "One day when you are older and least expect it."

Junia goes silent after mom speaks and I turn back to see her looking out the window. After she turns to look out the window, I turn my head and look straight ahead at the cars in front of us, going silent. I am glad my niece is no longer asking questions that no one has answers too.

"How are you holding up?" my mom asks me after I go silent.

Looking at her again I shrug, "Not good," I mutter deciding to be honest. "I have times where I just break down crying for no reason. I just get so overwhelmed and I start to miss Zac."

My mother nods at my words, "I do too," she says and I see a few tears go down her cheeks after she speaks. It's nice to know I am not alone in my reactions. "I think everyone is like that right now."

"Even dad?" I ask knowing I have never once seen my dad cry.

"Even your dad," Mom confirms as she pulls into the driveway.

I just stay silent at my mom's words. Watching as she gets out and then gets Junia out, I stay in the car, unable to move or go inside. I don't know why I don't want too, maybe because I don't want to be around other grieving family members or maybe because I don't want to be around Junia, the reminder of the hurt I had placed on Zac.

Unbuckling finally, I still stay in the car as I feel tears building in my eyes and soon going down my cheeks. I was feeling that familiar feeling of pain and hurt again.

"I just want him back God," I speak as I look at the roof the SUV. "Just bring him back to me. I need my brother back," I choke out as I feel even more tears come to my eyes.

When nothing but silence fills the car I frown and wipe at my eyes. Reaching my shaking hand out, I grab the door handle and open the door, soon leaving the car and heading inside. Hearing laughter from the kitchen I figure my mom is in there with both of the children so I turn and head upstairs. I will get my luggage out of the car later. Right now I just want to lay down on my bed and mope.

Making it upstairs, I head to the room which had been designated as mine every time I have came in for a visit. Cracking the door, I slip my shoes off and walk over to the bed, falling back and staring at the ceiling. I wasn't sure when the empty feeling inside of me would go away but I wish it would. I hate it.

Closing my eyes I drift off to sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later by a light knock on my door. Opening my eyes, I raise an eyebrow and sit up, seeing my younger sister Zoe standing the doorway.

"Mom fixed dinner and she wanted to know if you coming down to eat?" Zoe asks as she walks just a little ways into the room.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "Are the kids still here?"

Zoe looks confused by my question, "Shepherd and Junia?" she asks and I can still see the confusion written all over her face.

I just nod at her question.

"Yeah they are here still," Zoe confirms. "What does that have to do with anything?

Sighing, I look away from Zoe. She won't understand my reasoning behind not wanting to be around Junia. "I just don't think I can face them right now. All I see is Zac," I mutter as I keep my gaze away from my baby sister.

Zoe just stands there in silence for awhile and I'm almost scared of what she will say next. If she has her doubts about my words. "Okay," she says and I look up in enough time to see her nod. "I'll tell mom you won't be down," she shrugs before she turns and leaves the room.

Once Zoe is gone I look at the door before breaking down in tears again. As I cry I can't help but remember. Remember how I had caused Zac so much pain and hurt. What if that had been the reason why he committed suicide? What if I had been the reason why?

Laying back on the bed again I try to stop crying and eventually I succeed and close my eyes, drifting off to sleep again. My dreams full of Zac and how this whole mess started. How I ruined everything.


	3. June 2,2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "How about that cute redhead you dated the last time you and Kate broke up?" I ask trying to remember the girls name.

The Broken One Chapter Three

I roll my eyes as I sit on the back deck at my parents house. The one that leads to the pool. It's where my parents are hosting Zac's wedding party as he is getting married tomorrow. He is marrying that friend of Natalie's that none of us have liked since we met her, or maybe that is just me.

As I look over at Zac talking to her and a group of their friends, I just roll my eyes again and stand from the table where I am sitting at. I'm not sure I can do anymore of this putting up a fake happy face when I know my brother is making a huge mistake in marrying Kate.

Brushing past Zac as I walk back to the house, I don't even look back, soon getting inside and slipping off the sandals I had been wearing. Leaving them laying by the back door I head upstairs to my room, deciding to take the set of steps that is in the kitchen. I am kind of happy that everyone seems to be outside. I really don't want to have to lie to anyone about why I came inside and ditched the party early.

When I am in my room, I walk to the bed and sit down, grabbing my sketchbook and a pencil off the floor. Flipping through until I get to a blank page, I start to sketch not even paying attention to anything else. As I sketch I soon hear a knock at my bedroom door and I look away from the book, chewing on my lip as my brown eyes connect with his own.

"Zac," I say as I lay the sketchbook down beside me on the bed. "I..shouldn't you be outside at your party?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow.

Zac just laughs as he leans against my doorframe, crossing his arms. I know it's wrong but at my tender age of fifteen, I find him really attractive. I know it goes against every teaching I have heard my whole life thanks to my ultra christian, conservative parents but for the past year I have been questioning everything they ever installed in me.

"Shouldn't you be at the party as well?" he asks me as he keeps his eyes locked on mine. I'm not sure why but it unnerves me.

I shrug and tear my eyes away from his, "I just wasn't having fun," I say honestly as look down at my carpeted floor. I decide it's better than looking in Zac's eyes right now. I hate that my own brother has been giving me butterflies and I hate that I have no control over this silly crush on him.

I hear him step inside my room a little farther but I refuse to look up at him. "How come you weren't having fun Avie?" he asks sounding confused. I don't blame him for sounding confused. It's not like anyone else knows I dislike Kate.

I just shrug again and keep looking at the floor, "I'm not sure," I lie. It's a pathetic lie but it's all I can come up with right now.

"You don't have to lie to me," Zac says his voice sounding much closer to me then before.

I soon find out why it sounds so close as he sits down next to me on the bed. Finally looking away from the carpet I look at him wondering if I could tell him the truth. If I could tell him that I left because I think the wedding tomorrow is one huge mistake.

Chewing my lip I know I will tell him. I have always told him everything. "I think you are making a mistake by marrying Kate," I tell him as I look at him nervously, scared of his reaction. "I don't think she is the one for you."

Zac looks at me like his utterly surprised by what I had to say. Of course he is, I have always played nice around Kate. I'm too nice to ever be mean to anyone. "Why do you think that?" he asks as he chews on his bottom lip. Again his eyes lock with mine.

Feeling those familiar butterflies again in my stomach, I try my best to ignore them, "Because she is a bitch," I mutter letting a curse word fly from my mouth. I normally try not to cuss, especially in front of my parents.

"Wow," Zac says after I call Kate a bitch. "You really think she is a bitch?" he asks as he raises an eyebrow at me, questioning what I just said.

I nod, "I don't just think it. She is a bitch," I say matter of fact. "She is constantly downing you about things, like your weight. She can be so cruel and vicious to you," I frown. "And she has dumped you numerous times. I just think you should marry someone else Zac."

Zac stays silent for the longest time after I speak. When I hear him clear his throat though, I know he is about to talk again, "Who do you think I should marry then Avery?" he asks me as he licks his lips.

"How about that cute redhead you dated the last time you and Kate broke up?" I ask trying to remember the girl's name. Now she was someone I could see Zac marrying one day.

He laughs some at my mention of her, "Spencer?"

"Yeah, Spencer," I tell him as I cross my arms. "Get back together with her and marry her. Now she would be right for you."

He laughs again and shakes his head, "Kind of hard to marry someone who moved away to Nashville. Anyway, last I heard she was dating some dude who looked like Ryan Gosling."

I just look down and sigh, "You could go after her," I suggest as I chew my lip. Besides her I am trying to think of someone, anyone else that Zac could marry besides Kate. I don't want my brother to ruin his life. I can't let him do that.

"I don't want to go after her Avie," he says and I look back up at him and roll my eyes. "No one else wants me," he says before looking away now. "You think I want to actually marry her?" he asks me, now letting out a bitter laugh. "No one else wants me but her. I'm not good enough for anyone else so I'm choosing the easy option Avery and I do love her, just not like I should, but maybe one day. You'll understand one day what I mean Avery, when you are old enough to be in love."

Frowning at his words I sigh, "I want you," I blurted out without even thinking. "I'll want you and I'll take you if no one else will."

Zac looks at me again and laughs as if he thinks I am joking, "Funny joke Avie," he says as stands from the bed, soon turning to walk away.

As he does so, I stand from the bed as well and go after him, grabbing his arm I turn him around and pull him into a kiss to prove that I'm not joking. I know the kiss is wrong and right now I am desperate but oh well. What's the harm it could do to anyone?

Feeling Zac respond to the kiss briefly before pulling away and looking at me as if I have lost my mind, I am really scared now. Maybe I have done harm by kissing him.

"The hell Avery," he spits out as his eyes widen and he just shakes his head. "That was probably the most disgusting thing you could have done," he says before glaring at me. "You're my sister and whatever sick fantasies or joke this is needs to stop," he says his voice raising some before he turns away again and heads out of the room.

I just stand there as he leaves and my attention is brought to the door again as Jessica now stands there confused.

"Why the heck did he leave out of here like a bat out of hell?" she asks as she looks at me for an answer.

I shrug and sit back down on my bed, "I have no clue," I lie before picking up my sketchbook and starting to work on the sketch I had been doing before Zac even came up here. After Zac's reaction to that kiss I am now officially scared to even face him at his wedding tomorrow. I am afraid to do my duty as one of Kate's bridesmaids.


	4. June 3,2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Zac," I whisper as I step closer to him, making a face as he unintentionally blows smoke in my face as he turns to face me. "What are you doing?"

The Broken One Chapter Four

Entering the reception hall the next day after Zac's wedding, I look around until I find Jessica. If I stay close to her then I will be fine. I have been trying to avoid Zac as much as I can and besides the family pictures that we took at alter I think I am doing a good job.

I'm afraid that he is still mad about the kiss from last night, which of course he has every right to be mad about. I know I shouldn't have kissed him. I shouldn't but I was desperate.

I may have also hated the fact that the kiss made whatever strange attraction I felt towards Zac that much worse. I am one sick individual and I'm sure I am going to hell one day.

"Earth to Avery," a voice says bringing me out of my thoughts and I look at Jessica, raising an eyebrow. "You want to go sit down beside Stephanie and Ashley?" she asks pointing to two of our long time friends.

"Sure," I smile as I lead the way over to the table where they are sitting at. I know I am failing at doing a good job at pretending nothing is wrong with me. I am doing a bad job at showing that I am somewhere else right now.

When we reach the table, I sit down and give a smile to both Stephanie and Ashley while Jessica immediately starts to talk to them. Jessica is always good at talking to people where I tend to keep to myself sometimes, especially when something is bothering me.

"So, Avery," Ashley speaks and I turn to look at her. "Any special boys yet in your life?" she asks so innocently and I immediately blush at the thought. "I think I was your age when I had my first boyfriend."

I just laugh some and reach down taking off the god forsaken heels Kate had all the bridesmaids wear, "There is this one boy," I admit as my mind drifts off to Zac. "But he is older than me and I just don't think it will ever happen," I say not revealing the whole truth.

Ashley just smirks at my words, "Aww, you never know," she shrugs. "Sometimes the things you think will never happen do."

"Trust me, this one won't," I tell her as I stand up, holding onto my heels. "I'm going to go get some fresh air, it's hot in here," I say offering Ashley a friendly smile before I walk away.

It's not that I don't want to be around her but I know if I stay she is just going to keep on about my special guy.

Stepping outside, I keep a loose grip on my heels as I head towards the parking lot. It's a hot day in Tulsa but with all those people in a small building, being outside feels much better right now. As I near my parents SUV, I stop in my tracks as I see Zac leaned against it, his shirt unbuttoned some. Walking just a bit closer, my nostrils are hit with a smell I'm unfamiliar with.

"Zac," I whisper as I step closer to him, making a face as he unintentionally blows smoke in my face as he turns to face me. "What are you doing?"

Zac just shrugs at me as he puts whatever he is smoking between his lips again, "Getting high," he tells me as if I should know. "Want a smoke?" he asks as he hands what I now suspect to be a joint to me.

I shake my head, "I've never smoked before," I tell him blushing some. At least he isn't yelling at me like he did last night. I'm glad for that.

He laughs some, "Sometimes you just have to live some Avie, take it," he says as he keeps his hand extended out to me.

Chewing my lip, I slowly take the joint from him and inspect it. It doesn't look like how I imagined it would look.

"You know, it's not going to bit you," Zac mutters after I inspect the joint he handed me.

I roll my eyes and put the joint to my lips. Slowly I inhale it and move it away quickly as I start to cough, which just gets Zac to laughing. "Nice to know you found that funny?" I mutter sarcastically as I finally stop coughing.

"Sorry," he smirks before taking the joint out of my hands and putting it back to his lips. "You'll get better with time," he says as he exhales and I feel myself blush more. Even he makes smoking looking good.

I shrug, "Who says I'll do it again?" I ask as I move and stand beside him, laying my shoes down beside where I am standing.

Zac turns to look at me and I nearly faint when he gives me that tempting crooked smile of his. The one that I'm sure makes countless fans of his lose it. "Everyone always does it again," he winks as he nudges me playfully. "And you'll do it again because I find it cool and you want to impress your big older brother."

I just glare at him playfully, "You know me so well," I joke as I nudge him back.

"I'm sorry," he says after I nudge him.

"For what?" I ask confused as to why he is saying sorry to me.

Zac runs a hand through his hair as he drops the joint on the ground and steps on it some, "For yelling at you last night," he tells me as he looks back up at me and into my eyes.

I chew on my lip, surprised that he is apologizing, "I'm sorry for..." I start to say but I am shushed when Zac puts his finger to my lips.

"Don't be sorry for kissing me," he mutters as he moves his finger away from my lips. "And I won't be sorry for liking it," he whispers ever so softly before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine.

I stand there for what seems like hours though I know in reality it's only been minutes. I am in shock that Zac is actually kissing me. His lips are against mine, and that thought is enough to make me return the kiss.

As we kiss, I feel Zac move slightly and soon I realize he has me pinned up against the back of our parents SUV. God I know this kiss is wrong and not just because he is my brother but because it's his wedding day and we are in the parking lot of the place where his reception is being held. We could be caught at anytime.

Kissing him deeper, I feel his tongue brush across my lips and soon I'm opening my mouth for him, allowing his tongue to entrance. I hear myself moan just a bit into the kiss as his hips move into mine and I close my eyes, my hand soon going up and into his hair which I pull lightly.

Hearing someone clear their voice, Zac and I both pull away at the same time and I freeze seeing Taylor standing there, staring at us. His mouth drops a little when he sees it's me that Zac was kissing.

"Y..your umm your wife wants you inside," Taylor speaks as he shakes his head a few times and just stands there watching us. "They are about to do the first dance."

Zac rolls his eyes at Taylor's words and turns away from me, heading inside as if nothing just happened. As if just seconds ago his tongue wasn't in my mouth.

Sighing, I follow behind Zac after picking my shoes up.

"Avie," Taylor says as he starts to walk beside me. "Exactly what did I walk in on so to speak?" he asks me as I turn my head to look at him.

I look down and shrug, "I'm not sure," I say honestly as I walk ahead of Taylor and go inside. As I do, I come to stand beside Jessica and watch as Zac dances with his wife. I can't help but feel a ting of jealousy as I watch them.

"Don't they look good together?" Jessica whispers to me and I almost want to laugh out loud at that.

"Yes, they look really good together," I lie as I do my best to put on a fake smile. For the rest of the night I am going to try to forget that I hate Kate and I will also try forgetting that Zac had kissed me in the parking lot.

Once the song ends, everyone claps for them and the dj soon starts playing another song, this time it's a song I at least know. It's the song by ABBA called Dancing Queen.

Watching as people get on the floor to start dancing, I turn to walk away but stop when I feel someone grab my arm. Turning my head, I come face to face with Zac.

"You aren't getting away that fast," he says giving me that damned crooked smile again. "Dance with me Avie baby," he mutters as he pulls me out onto the dance floor without giving me a choice.

Going with him I just laugh, "Like I can ever tell you no," I smile as I began to dance with


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Junebug, your mommy isn't going anywhere," I tell her like I am so sure.

The Broken One Chapter Five

Waking from being asleep, I look around my room and it's now pitch black. Turning my head some, I see the time. Three in the morning. I have slept for so long but obviously I needed it more than I thought.

Feeling thirsty I get out of bed and leave my room in a hurry heading downstairs. Flipping on a light in the kitchen, I go to the cabinets and get a glass, down taking it to the sink and pouring a glass of water.

"Aunt Avie," a small voice says right as I cut the water off. I don't even have to turn around to know it is Junia.

"Yes Junia," I say as I grab my glass and take a drink as I turn to face the little girl. She is in her pajamas and her hair is a messy, which makes me laugh some to myself. She sort of reminds me of a younger version of myself minus her blue eyes.

Junia looks down away from me, "I had a bad dream," she frowns which causes me to frown.

Taking my glass of water, I walk to where she is and bend down, "What happened in your dream Junebug?" I ask using the nickname Zac had given her when he was alive.

I watch as Junia looks up at me with tears in her eyes, "My mommy went away too like daddy," she says her voice quivering. "Then I couldn't see either of them ever again," she sniffles and I feel tears sting my eyes, pulling her into me.

"Junebug, your mommy isn't going anywhere," I tell her like I am so sure. Picking her up with my free arm, I kiss her cheek and sigh, "How about we both sleep on the couch okay?" I ask her as I walk into the living room that is just off the kitchen.

Going to the couch, I sit down and hold Junia in my lap, taking another drink of my water. As I sit here in held the girl, it was hard to believe that I had rarely spent any time alone with her since her birth but really, it was all Kate's doing. She had forbidden me to be around Junia and Shepherd unless it was family occasions. It was something Zac had no choice but to go along with.

Junia lays her head on my chest and I smile some, rubbing her back. Being around her still brings me so much pain but in a way it helps too. "You want a drink of water?" I ask her.

"Pwease," she says and I just smile holding my cup out for her and helping her as she takes a drink from it.

Chewing my lip, I bring the cup back to my own lips and finish the drink off, sitting the now empty cup on the table beside the couch. After doing that I lay down and pull Junia with me, "Let's go to sleep now okay. This time you will have good dreams, I promise," I say to her telling her something my mother used to tell me when she slept beside me after I had bad dreams.

After awhile, I hear Junia's breathing even out and I know she is asleep, so I finally close my own eyes and drift off to sleep beside of my niece.

When I hear someone clear their throat, I open my eyes slowly and swallow hard as I stare into the eyes of Zac's widow. Slowly, I move away from Junia who stirs even against my efforts not to wake her.

"Mommy," Junia grins looking at Kate. I look away not able to stomach how happy the child is to see someone as cold hearted as Kate.

"Hey Junebug," Kate says to her and I can hear the bitterness in her tone that I know is directed at me. "Why don't you go upstairs and play for awhile. "I need to talk to your aunt."

I turn back to look at Junia and watch as she gets up from the couch, running off, which leaves me alone with Kate.

I hear Kate clear her throat again and I roll my eyes, "I made it clear when she was born Avery. I didn't want you around her or her brother. Not unless it was a family function," she says as she crosses her arms and glares at me.

"She had a bad dream," I inform the brunette as I met her gaze and glare back. "I was the only one up and so I thought I would help her get back to sleep. I figured given the circumstances you wouldn't hold anything against me now."

Kate laughs bitterly, "I don't care what the circumstances are right now, I want my rules to be followed," she says harshly and turns to leave but stops halfway. "You know, Zac's last few months, he agreed with me on you not being around the kids, especially Junia," she mutters and I'm sure if I could see her face I would see a smirk on it.

Rolling my eyes, I watch her leave and head upstairs. Once she is gone, I start to cry and lay back down on the couch. I'm already falling apart and Kate has just made it worse. I know deep down if Zac was agreeing with her in his final months than he had to have been pissed at what I did. He had to have been pissed and hurt.

"His death is my fault," I mutter as I look up at the ceiling, knowing it is. It has to be my fault.

Hearing someone come in the living room, I wipe at my eyes and sit up to see Zoe looking at me, "When did you come down here?" she asks.

I sigh, "Last night. I woke up to get some water and then Junia had a bad dream. I brought her in here so we could both go back to sleep."

Zoe nods at my words, "I thought you didn't want to be around Zac's kids right now."

"I didn't," I tell her as I shake my head, "But Junia woke up and I just, I didn't feel like waking anyone else up," I shrug as I chew on my lip.

Zoe looks at me and sighs, "I think you are crazy for not wanting to be around Zac's kids," she tells me before sitting down next to me on the couch. "I like being around them now because they remind me of him. They both look so much like him."

I laugh at her words, "I disagree with you on Junia," I say as I look into her blue eyes. "Junia kind of reminds me of myself when I was younger," I confess wondering if Zoe sees it too or if I am just crazy.

Zoe sits there as if she is pondering my words for a long time. "You know," she speaks and then pauses, "you are right. Junia does kind of look like you when you were younger. Though, I also see some Kate in her as well."

When Zoe says what she does, I at least don't feel crazy, "You see Kate in her?" I ask raising an eyebrow. "I...just no," I spit out more harshly than I attended. "That girl looks nothing like that witch," I mutter before standing from the couch and heading upstairs.

On the way up the stairs, I roll my eyes as I pass Kate who is going down with both kids.

"Bye Shepherd, Bye Junia," I call out as I reach the top of the stairs. After I do, I hear the door slam shut and I turn to head back to my room but came face to face with my mother. I can tell from the look on her face Kate has warned her about leaving me alone with the children.

"Avery," my mother begins as she looks at me sternly, "Kate wanted me to tell you to remember your agreement to stay away from the children," she says her voice harsh and cold. "And I am. For everyone's sake right now please do it. We are all suffering and we don't need you adding more drama, god knows you and Zac did enough of that while he was alive," she mutters before walking away from me.

Standing there dumbfounded, I just shake my head, even my own mother sides with Kate. Though of course she would, she had been the most devastated when she found out about Zac and I. That we had been lovers. Shaking my head more, I just walk into my room and slam the door.

With Kate getting mad at me and my mother telling me off, I feel worse than I did before. "This is your fault," I say looking at the ceiling. "For getting mad at me and doing something stupid," I spit out though I mean none of my words. I would never really blame Zac. I love him too much.

Feeling tears sting my eyes, I walk to the bed and sit down, my mind automatically going back to Zac and even more of the events that I was sure had lead to him killing himself.


	6. December 31, 2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Aren't you a little old for those?" I ask as I shut the door behind me.

The Broken One Chapter Six

Months have now flown by since Zac and Kate's wedding, and it is New Year's Eve. A holiday that we all normally spend at my parents house but this year we are spending it at Natalie and Taylor's. I'm sure it was Natalie's idea to have the gathering here. It is always.

I hadn't actually been alone with Zac since our kiss at his wedding, so I was nervous about tonight. I knew the possibilities were high that I could more than likely end up alone with him at some point and so to avoid that, I had invited one of my friends along. Most people assumed he once had been my boyfriend but he never had been. If I was honest the closest thing I had come to any boy romantically had been when Zac kissed me.

"Earth to Avery," Daniel's voice breaks through my thoughts and I blink a few times at him. "You've been standing on this porch for thirty minutes now. Are you going to go inside? It is kind of cold out here."

I blush at his words and nod, "Yeah, sorry," I smile as I reach out and open the door, going inside of the house. Hearing talking coming from the living room and kitchen I lead the way since Daniel has never been here before.

When we reach the kitchen, I smile as I see my niece and nephews as the came running to me. Bending down, I pull Ezra and Penny into a hug, "I missed you guys," I tell them after they pull away. "How was your trip to Georgia?" I ask knowing they had just gotten back from there two days ago.

"It was fun," Ezra says as he grins. "Grampa James got tons of toys for me," he informs me as if that is the best thing ever and I am sure in his mind it is.

"I got toys too," Penny says to him as she sticks her tongue out and I laugh some at this.

I shake my head and stand up, "You two are something else," I say to them and watch as they run off.

Looking around for Daniel, I don't see him in the kitchen but soon I hear his laugh coming from the living room and I make my way in there, where I find Daniel sitting beside my older brother Isaac. I'm sure they are talking about sports or something of the like. They are both into sports. Especially Oklahoma football.

"Hey Natalie," I hear a familiar voice ask from across the room and I turn my head to see Kate sitting on the couch, a plate of appetizers in her lap. "Have you seen Zac? He left out of her like a bullet out of a shot gun not too long ago."

"He headed down the hall to the bedrooms," Taylor says for his wife and I laugh. Leave it to Taylor to answer a question meant for Natalie. "You know Zac, he feels suffocated when around too many people at one time and he runs off to go watch tv in another room."

Biting my lip at my brothers words, I turn to head towards the bedrooms. I know I am nervous about being alone with him but I want to talk to him, see if he even mentions the kiss we shared months ago. As I'm just about mere inches away from my get away I almost crash into someone and laugh some seeing it is just my mom. "Sorry mom," I smile before moving past her.

"Where are you going Avery?" she asks me and I stop in my tracks, thinking of a lie.

I shrug, "To the bathroom," I say so effortlessly that I hope she doesn't catch on that I was lying. Walking away, I turn the corner and soon start passing by the bedrooms, looking for the one Zac is in.

I am surprised when I find him in Ezra's room, laying on the toddler bed and watching some cartoon. "Aren't you a little old for those?" I ask as I shut the door behind me.

Zac sits up and shrugs, "I'm only as old as I feel and right now I feel like a twelve year old."

"When don't you feel twelve?" I ask as I sit down beside him on the bed.

He watches me and I feel those same old butterflies he used to give me before our kiss. Biting my lip, I try not too look at him and look back at the TV.

Feeling Zac move a bit closer, I take a deep breath and turn to face him, raising my eyebrow. "You plan on invading my personal bubble?" I ask him before laughing.

"Would it bother you if I did," Zac asks me as he inches his hand over and moves the hair away from my neck. "You didn't seem to mind it when I invaded your space on my wedding day," he whispers before he leans over and places a soft kiss on my neck.

As he places a kiss on my neck, I close my eyes briefly and shiver as he rests his head against mine, his breath hitting my skin every so often as he breathes, "About your wedding," I start, trying to find the words to say. "We...it...it's wrong," I am finally able to voice my words out and all Zac does is laugh.

I feel him pull away some but not much, "You didn't see it as wrong when you kissed me in your room the night before the wedding," he counters back and he has a point. "You even said you wanted me."

Looking down at my hands, I nod acknowledging that I did say those things.

"Why did you say that Avie?" Zac asks another question before kissing my neck again. This time though he doesn't stop kissing my neck and before I know it I moan in response, feeling myself start to get turned on by what he is doing. This is the first time I have ever had a physical reaction to something a boy has done.

Closing my eyes again, I sit and think of something to say other than the truth. As I sit there thinking I feel Zac's hand sneak down to my jeans now and I suck in a breath as I feel his calloused hands slip their way into my jeans.

It's like Zac's hands are magic, especially when they find the crotch of my panties and he starts to rub me, "Why did you say you wanted me Avie?" he asks this time wording it differently.

"Because I do want you," I admitted my words coming out soft as he rubs me slow, too slow. "I..I have a crush on you," I whisper blushing.

The last statement gets Zac to smirk against my skin and I feel him start to trail kisses up to my ear. "I think I have crush on you," he whispers into my ear so innocent, though what he is doing to me is anything but innocent. "A dirty little forbidden crush," he mutters more seductively and I feel his hand move away from the crotch of my panties.

I feel my breath hitch as his fingers slip beneath the cotton material and soon one of his fingers slips inside of me. It hurts briefly which causes me to tense up. I know if I was like some girls who like to pleasure themselves, it probably wouldn't have hurt, but I have never once pleasured myself before.

"Fuck," he curses into my ear. "You are wetter than I thought," he says before moving his face away from me and he starts to let his finger move in and out of me at a pace that is slow and torturous.

Moaning again, I feel my hips move against their own will and I open my eyes, looking over at him. I'm not sure what the look I see on his face is but I know I like it. The way his lip is curled into a smirk, a smirk that almost reaches his eyes.

I let out a whimper when he finally removes his finger and his hands from out of my jeans. I feel his hands though on my wrist and before I can say anything he lays back and pulls me down over him, his lips finding mine in a kiss again.

I kiss him back and close my eyes, feeling his hands move to my hips.

"You feel that?" Zac mutters into my mouth right as his hips move up into me. The moment they do I feel something hard against me. "You did that," he moans out kissing me harder, his tongue finding its way into my mouth.

As his tongue tangles with mine, I am shocked that I have made him that hard. I never thought that I could have that effect on anyone and sure as hell never expected to have that effect on my brother.

It feels like ages before Zac pulls away from the kiss and I look down at him, looking into his eyes, "Can I take your shirt off?" he asks his words so soft I'm not even sure I heard them.

I just nod in response and move away far enough so he can lift my shirt over my head. When it's gone, I blush some. I had of course chosen to just wear a regular white cotton bra. I never was a fan of anything fancy and I knew my mother would probably die if I ever bought any fancy or sexy bras at sixteen.

Zac looks me over and I see a satisfied smirk cross his face, before he reaches up and cups my breast with one of his hands, squeezing the breast ever so softly.

"Z...Zac," I moan out as my hips move down into his almost perfectly which causes him to whimper. "I...your...I've never felt like this before," I confess as I blush.

"Good," Zac says as his hand slowly pushes my bra cup down, revealing my breast to him, the nipple is now standing straight up at attention.

I see Zac bit his lip and before I know it, he sits up again, holding me in his lap as his head bends down and he takes the nipple into his mouth. The moment his mouth is on my nipple, I feel myself get wet even more and I have to bit my lip from screaming an altering everyone in the house to our presence in Ezra's room.

Holding him closer to me, I move my hips against him now at a pretty good pace, feeling him do the same, but not once does he lift his head from my nipple. It's like my nipple is his newest friend.

Finally though he does lift his head and he looks into my eyes again as I feel his hands go around me. He undoes my bra and I look down, watching as it falls off, leaving me topless.

"You look beautiful," Zac tells me when I look back up at him and I blush at his words. "You are so beautiful," he mutters before taking his own shirt off.

Biting my lip, I scan his chest, letting my hands reach out and slide down it. I have seen him shirtless countless times but tonight is the first time where I find myself turned on by it.

Zac takes a deep breath when my hand reaches the bottom of his chest and I notice him sucking in his stomach, which causes me to look at him confused. Doesn't he realize I find him beautiful just the way he is.

It's like he can sense my confusion though because he gives me an answer. "Kate always tells me I'm too fat," he says and I can hear the hint of sadness in his words. "Sometimes during sex she likes to point it out and make fun of my stomach."

Frowning at his words, I just lean in and kiss him again. I'm not Kate and I'm not going to make fun of him.

As he responds to the kiss, I feel his hands move up and run along my breast causing me to move my hips against his again. This time, I swear I hear a profanity leave his mouth.

"Zac are you in here?" Taylor's voice fills the room and I pull away from the kiss, turning to face him.

If I thought he was shocked when he saw us kissing at the wedding then I know he is shocked now. His mouth just keeps moving up and down as if trying to talk but nothing comes out.

"Fuck," Zac mutters to himself as he lays back and the moment he does that, I feel exposed, not to Zac but to Taylor who now has a clear view of my breasts.

Standing up, I cover my chest with my arms and bend down, grabbing my bra and shirt, "I...umm I'll go now," I say before heading into the bathroom across the hall, glad that no one is out there to witness me.

When I reach the bathroom, I lock the door and lay my shirt and bra on the sink as I look at my reflection in the mirror. My hair's a mess and my lips look a bit swollen. I'm a complete mess physically and I know emotionally I am as well.

Shaking my head, I put my bra and shirt back on and then fix my hair up some before leaving the bathroom. As I do, I look into Ezra's room where I can see Taylor who seems to be yelling at Zac. Biting my lip I want to go in there and stop whatever argument they are having but I know my presence would just make it worse, instead I just walk back to the living room, hoping no one realizes just how long I was gone.


	7. January 1,2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Zac smiles when I tell him that I understand, "I was afraid you wouldn't have understood."

The Broken One Chapter Seven

I lay in bed the next morning, still sleeping off being up so late last night because of the damn holiday. That was the one downside to New Years I thought. It always made you sleepy. Hearing a knock on the door, I woke up and opened my eyes, making a face as I try to adjust to the sun coming through my room.

Sitting up in bed, I raise an eyebrow when I see Zac standing in my door way, "What are you doing here?" I ask him as I blush some, remembering last night. All the things he had done to me. All the things I now wanted him to do to me.

Zac enters my room and I watch as he shuts the door behind him. "We need to talk about last night," he says and I can tell from the tone in his voice this conversation isn't going to be good.

"Okay," I mutter as I watch him sit down at the end of my bed. My heartbeat is beating so fast and hard in my chest.

Zac runs a hand through his hair and I hear a faint sigh come from him. "It was wrong," he says as he looks over at me. "I took advantage of you and I'm sorry."

At his words, I frown. He feels like he took advantage of me, when I clearly don't think he did. "But you didn't," I tell him as I reach out for his hand but he moves it away from my reach. "I wanted to fool around you with you."

"But I did take advantage of you Avie," Zac says as he shakes his head. "I'm twenty-one and you're sixteen. I should have stopped myself. Hell you know if Taylor hadn't walked in we would have done more than fool around," he admits. "I would have had sex with you."

I shake my head at his words, "I wouldn't have minded if we had sex," I say honestly knowing how bad it sounds. "But I guess I get where you are coming from," I shrug sadly knowing he has a point. It's not just because of our ages that we shouldn't have had sex. We are related and it's sex and wrong.

Zac smiles when I tell him that I understand, "I was afraid you wouldn't have understood."

"Well I did," I smile back sadly. It hurts me to admit. It hurts because I know what is coming next. He is going to tell me it won't happen again.

Seeing him look down at his hands, I sigh bracing myself. "I...we really shouldn't do it again," he says confirming what I knew. "I think it would be best if we tried to avoid being alone together for the time being. At least until you are old enough to not have some silly crush on me," he nods before standing from the bed.

At his words, I frown, "So you didn't mean it when you said you had a crush on me?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow, staying on the bed.

He shakes his head no and I'm sure I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces right then and there. "I..I was just horny," he mutters as he walks away from the bed and doesn't even look at me as he leaves.

After he leaves, I break down crying and fall back. It's sad and pathetic that Zac has broken my heart. He has ripped it right out of me. He did just use me. He used me for his own selfish needs and I, well I was pathetic and let him.

Crying harder, I close my eyes and drift back off into a restless sleep for a few more hours. When I wake up again though, my eyes feel puffy and I know I probably look like shit.

Getting out of the bed, I hurry to get dressed, deciding I just need something to do, anything to do to get my mind off things. After I am dressed, I find my cell phone and dial up Daniel listening as the phone rings.

"Hello," a voice comes through after the second ring.

I smile, hearing Daniel's voice, "Hey Daniel," I say to him as I chew my lip. "I umm was wondering if I could come over to your house for awhile. Today has just been kind of crappy and I need something to get my mind off things.

"Avie you can always come over," he says and I hear the truth in his words.

I nod, "Okay, I'll be there soon," I say before hanging up the phone.

 

Several hours pass by once that I am at Daniel's house. Hours that are spent getting into his parents alcohol stash. His parents are out of town for the week so he didn't think it would be a problem. I should have objected, I wasn't even sure If I liked alcohol. I only sipped on it on a few occasions before now.

"Fuck, Daniel," I say as I sit on his couch and look around the room. "I really need to get going but your living room is spinning way too much for me to even move," I laugh as I lay my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes hoping that will help but as soon as I open them again, the room is still spinning.

Daniel just laughs at my words, "The room isn't spinning but I feel kind of sick," he says as he makes a face.

I laugh at that then and move my head slightly, "You better not fucking puke on me," I tell him as I death glare him playfully which makes him smile.

"You are too pretty for me to puke on Avie," he says before he leans in and kisses me on the lips.

The feel of his lips on mine is shocking and jarring and I pull away from him, frowning, "I..I can't," I mutter shaking my head. It's not that I can't kiss him back, it's the fact that I don't want to kiss him back. I don't want to kiss anyone except Zac but that won't be happening anymore.

Finally deciding to brave the spinning room, I stand up and walk outside to the porch. Reaching for my cell phone, I sit on the stairs and search my contacts for someone to call. I need to get home but I know I am too drunk to drive right now.

Running past Zac's number, I chew on my lip and hit it against my better adjustment. Putting the phone against my ear I wait for an answer.

After four rings I finally hear someone answer the phone but say nothing.

"Zac," I tell him letting him know I can hear his breathing. "I need a favor from you. I'm drunk and at Daniel's house. I need a ride back home," I tell him hoping he will speak to me.

I hear him sigh on the other end, "I'll be there soon," he says before hanging up.

When he hangs up, I turn my cell off and slip it back in the pocket of my jeans, deciding to stay out here on the porch. It's safe because Daniel hasn't followed me. I don't want to explain to him why I can't kiss him because I know with this much to drink I'd probably tell the truth about Zac and what all has happened.

I look down at the stairs as I wait for Zac to get to Daniel's house. I know he said he would be here soon but right now it just seems like hours. Hearing a car pull into the driveway finally I look up and smile seeing Zac's car.

Standing from the step, I feel the whole world spin and take a few deep breaths before walking to the car. I open the door once I make it there and get in the passenger side. As I buckle up I see Zac make a face.

"God Avery, how much did you drink? You reek of alcohol," he mutters as he pulls out of the driveway.

I shrug and look out the window, "I lost count after five," I confess knowing that he will probably lecture me about it. Maybe I should have called Isaac instead. He is the resident Hanson lush.

Zac instead doesn't lecture me, he just turns on the car radio and I make a face hearing rap music come through the stereo. "I don't like you getting drunk," he tells me over the music.

I laugh at his words and shake my head, "I don't like being used either," I spit out choosing to let him have the anger he deserves from me.

"Avie," Zac says or more like yells my name, "I...it's not like that."

I glare as I listen to his words, "Then tell me what it is like?" I ask him before looking out my window. "What is it if you didn't use me?"

"I care for you," he sighs and I just stay looking out the window. If he cared for me he wouldn't have hurt me.

After his words the rest of our ride back home is in silence. I have nothing more I really want to say to him. As I unbuckle and reach to open the car door, I hear him clear his throat and I look at him wondering what he wants to say.

"I'll have someone bring your car home tomorrow. If mom and dad ask just lie and say it's at my house," he smiles as he rattles off the lie he wants me to tell our parents.

I nod my head and start to get out until I feel Zac take a firm hold of my wrist and pull me back in and closer to him. Staring into his eyes, I feel scared almost because of the dark look in his eyes. "Don't fucking kiss anyone else either," he whispers his voice low and harsh. "Your smudged lipstick has made me jealous the whole car ride."

I'm about to respond to him but before I can, I feel his lips on mine and I just sigh against as his lips as I kiss him back. Did he just forget hours earlier that he told me we couldn't do things like this again?

As we kiss, he tightens his grip in my wrist. This kiss is the roughest one he has given me. He is biting my lip so hard that I swear he is going to draw blood.

Pulling away after awhile, I look at him confused, "What happened to not doing that again?" I ask curious.

"I never said I couldn't steal a goodbye kiss before we stopped," he shrugs and flashes me that grin of his I love. "Now get inside."

Getting out of the car, I shut the door and walk to our front porch, watching Zac drive away. As he does I am left feeling more confused and just a bit more used than I was before. What right does Zac have to stop what we have yet tell me not kiss anyone else?

I go inside and up to my room. As I walk the stairs, I know I will listen to him. I can't tell him no. I can't go against what he wants me to do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You would be sinning still if you hadn't listened to Kate," she tells me her tone going harsh. "I take this then as you regretting...." she starts then stops though I know what she was going to say.

The Broken One Chapter Eight

As I hear a knock on the door, I look up and see Zoe standing there. I must have gotten lost in my thoughts of Zac.

When I don't answer Zoe right away, she just steps into my room anyway, "I'm sorry," she frowns as she walks over to the bed, sitting down with a photo album in hand. "I mean for saying Junia looks like Kate," she frowns more.

"But she does," I tell Zoe as I look over at her. "Kate is her mother and children are supposed to look like their parents," I shrug and point to the photo album. "What is that?" I ask and reach for it, taking it from her. The moment I open it I am bombarded by pictures I haven't seen since 2010. Pictures I was sure my parents had gotten rid of.

Zoe watches me as I flip through the album, "I kept them hidden away. Kate wanted mom and dad to throw them away or get rid of them but I couldn't," she says as she shakes her head. "You and Zac looked so happy," she sighs. "Even if I do find it weird you two were in love, you look so happy in these pictures.”

I nod knowing we did, "If I had known doing what Kate had wanted would hurt Zac as much as it did, I wouldn't have done it," I say as I stop at one of the pictures and trace the outline of Zac's face. A part of me wishes he were here now so I could trace the outline of his face and just feel his skin one more time.

"Why did you let it stay that way then, I mean once you knew how hurt Zac was?" Zoe asks me and I have to think about that question. It's one I wasn't prepared for.

I shrug, "I didn't expect he'd get bad enough to kill himself. Anyway, I thought she was right. I believed she would do what she threatened to do," I say still believing she would have if I didn't follow through with her blackmail. Her blackmail was the main reason I had hurt the man I loved.

Zoe turns a page in the album and looks at it, "Are you going to change things now?" she asks me. "Are you going to go against Kate's blackmail now that Zac is dead? If you do, I'll stand by you," she smiles at me.

I smile back and just run a hand through my hair, to be honest I don't know if I go against her blackmail now or not. Maybe it's too late to fix the wrong. Maybe too much time has passed. Anyway without Zac, would it really be worth it?

"Thanks, I mean for saying you'd stand by me," I tell Zoe. "But I'm not sure what I will do," I say shutting the photo album, unable to look at the picture she had turned too. "I just know I want to mourn Zac and then maybe I will think of something."

Zoe nods and stands from the bed. "You can keep the photo album," she tells me before leaving the room.

Looking at the now shut album, I stand from the bed and go to put it in my closet. I don't want to risk the chances of anyone finding it out in the open and getting rid of it. Those pictures are the last pictures I have of my happy years with Zac.

After the pictures are put away, I leave the room and head downstairs. Seeing my mother in the kitchen I go in. "I'm sorry," I tell her as I go to stand beside her at the sink where she is doing dishes.

"For what?" she asks me as she turns to look at me briefly.

I look down, "For starting drama with Kate," I mutter knowing this apology is best for now. "I wasn't thinking and I thought maybe given the circumstances that Kate would let me be around the children."

My mother stops doing the dishes and turns to face me, "Avery, Kate is never going to get over what you did, no matter the circumstances. Zac left her for an entire year, to be with you which is morally wrong. Can you blame her for being just a little upset still no matter what the circumstances are?" my mother asks me and I sigh.

"I guess I can understand where she is coming from," I shrug. "Sometimes I just don't think."

My mother laughs, "No kidding," she says looking into my eyes. "Where you even using your brain when you began sleeping with your brother?"

I look down at her words, "I don't regret being openly with Zac in 2010. We were both so happy," I smile as I look back up. "I just wish I hadn't listened to Kate, then maybe we would be happy still."

My mother rolls her eyes and shakes her head, "You would be sinning still if you hadn't listened to Kate," she tells me her tone going harsh. "I take this then as you regretting...." she starts then stops though I know what she was going to say.

"Regretting what?" I ask her wanting her to say it. I want her to acknowledge the giant elephant in the room now. The one I'm sure played a part in Zac's decisions to end his own life.

My mother looks away from me and I see her face turn cold. "It doesn't matter because it's in the past. You went through with it and everything is better now."

Frowning, I move away from the sink and turn to leave the kitchen, heading to my room. When I get there, I am surprised to find my dad standing at the door. Is he here to make me feel worse than mom did. Maybe coming home was a bad idea?

"I heard the whole conversation with your mother," my father says as he looks down at his feet. "She's just upset over losing Zac. Before Zac died she used to say she wished you hadn't followed through with what Kate wanted. She knew you following through with that stopped you coming in too much. That it was too painful for you. Too painful for Zac."

I nod as my dad speaks, "It's still too painful, especially when I'm around Zac's kids now."

My dad laughs some and I watch him look up and into my eyes. "You can say what you really want Avery. It's too painful for you to be around Junia. It's understandable," he smiles sadly before walking off.

I watch him walk away and I feel tears coming to my eyes as I go into my room and lay on the bed. I hate crying but it seems like since Zac died it's all I can do anymore. It's the only way I can keep myself together. Though this time I don't know if I'm crying over Zac or what my dad said.

His words just like Zoe's have me wondering if I should rethink everything. Challenge Kate over what she is doing. Do what Zac wanted me to do for a long time after I gave into her. Grow a backbone.


	9. October 10,2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Isn't it too early to be drinking?" I ask as I shut the door behind me.

The Broken One Chapter Nine

After Zac gave me the warning not to kiss anyone else, I didn't. I keep my word for a year. A full freaking year and I didn't care. There is only one person I really want to kiss and that is Zac but he hasn't kissed me since the time in his car. He was true to his word on stopping whatever we had and not being alone with me.

Now it was October of 2008 and I was on the road with my family as my brothers toured. Natalie and Kate both needed help with their kids and I am that go to person. I am not about to complain, even if being around Kate and Zac hurts me. I know they still aren't right for each other and I am pretty sure, no matter how much Zac puts on a happy front that he just is not happy.

Walking onto the bus after going to a Greek restaurant in downtown Charlotte, I let myself onto my brother's bus. I don't think anyone is on because the last I remember is all of the families and kids wanted to go eat lunch alone. As soon as I step on the bus though, I'm greeted by the same smell from Zac's wedding reception and I make a face.

There is no way Kate let him stay behind so someone else has to be on the bus as well. Walking towards the back where the smell is coming from, I open the door to the back lounge and raise my eyebrow as I come face to face with Carrick. He is the lead singer in the opening band for this tour.

Carrick looks up at me as he takes the pipe he was smoking from out of his mouth, "I wasn't expecting anyone back for a while. Zac said I could come borrow some of his stash while he was gone."

"Zac has a stash of pot on the bus?" I ask clearly in surprise of Carrick's reveal. I am not sure why it shocks me so much to know this. Maybe because I didn't think he would hide stuff on the bus.

Carrick laughs at my question, "He has tons of stashes hidden around the bus," he shrugs as he pats the place beside him. "Sit down."

Walking over to the couch I sit beside him and watch as he takes another hit from the pipe. Ever since Zac's wedding I did do like he said I would. I had found ways to smoke again with some of my friends. It's something no one knows though I'm pretty sure Zac suspects it. He is the one who did say I would do it again.

After I sit down, Carrick hands me the pipe and I smirk taking a hit off of it. "How long has Zac been sharing his stuff with you?" I ask as I hand the pipe back to him.

Carrick shrugs as he takes another hit, "Since before this tour. He started sharing his shit with me at the Fools Banquet in 2007. I think that was the moment I knew he was a true friend," he smirks as he offers the pipe to me again.

"Zac's good like that, sharing his stuff I mean," I laugh before I put the pipe to my lips. "He let me have a smoke for the first time at his wedding reception," I tell Carrick as I hand the pipe back. "That was my first time ever smoking and since then I haven't stopped. I've found ways to sneak around with friends and smoke. Hide stashes in my room and yet everyone thinks I'm a good girl. I hate living up to that stereotype."

"You hate being good huh?" Carrick asks as he raises an eyebrow and looks at me curiously. "Then do something stupid and reckless. Something your parents will hate."

Thinking over his words, I smirk, "Well they'd hate you," I say knowing exactly what my statement means. I am referring to having sex with him.

Carrick raises an eyebrow, "You parent seemed to like me well enough when I was at their house last year," he says before frowning playfully as he nudges me, "but if you really want to do me, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea."

Now it's my turn to raise my eyebrow, "Really?" I ask feeling a little shocked by that. I never thought he would say that. I mean I'm considerably younger than him at seventeen and he has to be in his early thirties to late twenties.

"You're an attractive girl and I wouldn't see anything wrong with having a little fun with you," he winks as he lets his hand rest on my thigh, which makes me shiver in a good way.

Biting my lip, I reach my hand down to his and slowly guide it up my dress, wanting to him to rub much like Zac did on New Year's Eve last year. I want to see if I can get the same feeling from him that I got from my own brother.

Carrick takes the hint and soon I feel his hand make cotton with the panties I have on under my skirt. His hand rubbing me through the fabric. Unlike Zac he isn't going slow but it still make me get turned on. It still makes me wet.

"Fuck," I mutter as I feel him push my panties to the side and soon slip a finger inside of my wetness. His fingers aren't as rough as Zac's but they still feel just as good as his. Before long he has his finger going in and out of me at a pace that I like and I just close my eyes, a moan coming out as I let myself enjoy what is happening.

I know Zac would probably consider this something I shouldn't do either but at this point, I'm too far gone to even understand why he has such a problem with me kissing or doing anything with other guys. He's the one who has a wife. I'm single and can do as I please with who I please.

"You like this Avery?" Carrick asks as he reaches over with his free hand and moves some hair away from neck, his lips soon connecting with the flesh there which makes me moan again. His lips are much softer than Zac's but they make my skin feel as if it's on fire.

I nod my head in response, "I love it," I answer as I move my head some and soon connect my lips to his in a kiss, finally breaking Zac's one major rule. Don't kiss any other guy. I know if he were here he would be livid, seeing me kissing the guy he considers his best friend. Seeing Carrick finger me.

Carrick kisses me rougher, adding a second finger which makes my hips start to move in time with his fingers. I know I need more than just this though. I need more than his fingers inside me. "I want you," I whimper into the kiss.

Taking that as all the initiative he needs, Carrick slips his fingers out of me and pushes me back on the couch, laying over me as his kisses me harder, his hands trailing their way up and under my dress again, though this time it's to remove my panties.

After my panties are off he kisses down my cheek and onto my neck his hips moving into mine. I can clearly feel how hard he is and I like that he is the second guy I have made that way in my lifetime. I like that he wants me. That someone besides Zac wants me.

Pulling away from the kiss, I reach up and take his shirt off, throwing it down to the floor. My eyes scan his chest, noticing that he has way more hair than Zac does. His chest sort of resembles Taylor which I find disgusting and hot at the same time.

Feeling him pull my dress up, I left up and help him remove it, blushing when I'm left in just my bra as he looks me over. I wonder if he will find me beautiful like Zac does.

"You are sexy," he mutters which just makes me blush more. It's a different word than Zac used and I like it.

Kissing him again, I reach up and undo his jeans, sliding them down in one quick motion along with his boxers. Once I have them off, I feel him position himself just right between my legs and he slides inside of me, a moan coming out of his lips.

The moment he slides inside me, I dig my nails into his back feeling a bit of pain. It's worse than when Zac fingered me for the first time last year but it also feels good too. "Go slow," I whisper into his mouth hoping he gets the hint that I'm a virgin and have never done this before.

Carrick nods his head and I soon feel him start to move, a moan coming out of me. I've never felt something like this before. Something that feels so raw and natural. Being with him isn't how I envisioned my first time ever since the night with Zac on New Years but it will do. He will do.

Digging my nails farther in his back, I let myself move with him after a while and I close my eyes, the initial pain starting to go away and leave. Now I'm feeling nothing but pleasure and it's the sweetest pleasure I have ever felt.

Carrick starts to kiss down onto my neck again and I tilt my head to the side, giving him better access, my eyes closing tighter as he starts to kiss and suck on the skin there. It makes me shiver and groan.

"This feels nice," I whisper as Carrick starts to go just a bit faster and my nails travel down his back. I'm pretty sure he will have scratch marks for days to come.

"Correction," Carrick says on my skin. "You feel nice," he smirks as his hand reaches between us and he starts to rub my clit as he keeps moving in and out of me.

The combination of him rubbing me soon brings me over the edge and I moan his name out as I reach my orgasm. It's not long after that, that I feel him shudder and soon lay against me, trying to catch his breath.

As we both lay there, I hear someone curse and I look towards the door of back lounge in just enough time to see someone walking away. I'm pretty sure from the brief glance of a striped shirt who it is and I push Carrick up off me.

"I.." I start to say but he nods as if he knows.

"I hear your nieces and nephews," he smiles oblivious to the fact that Zac saw us having sex with each other.

I just nod and get dressed in a hurry, leaving the back lounge. I know my hair's a mess and I more than likely smell like sex but I don't care. "Where is Zac?" I ask Taylor when I reach the front of the bus.

Taylor looks at me with a raised eyebrow, "I think he went inside the venue. He left the bus like a bat out of hell."

Leaving the bus after Taylor tells me where Zac went, I head inside the venue and start my search for Zac. It's small back here so I'm hoping my search isn't too long.

"Zac," I call out hoping he will show himself if he hears me. I get no answer so I continue checking every room I find. When I reach the last one I open it and find Zac sitting on a couch drinking out of a bottle of beer.

"Isn't it too early to be drinking?" I ask as I shut the door behind me.

Zac looks up and rolls his eyes, taking another drink, "Isn't it to early to be getting high and fucking my best friend?" he spits out

Going silent I just look down not sure what to say to him.

"You reek of him by the way," he speaks again, his tone still harsh. "You fucking reek of him and my damn weed. I hope he is worth it Avery."

I look up confused by what he means. "Worth what?" I ask letting my confusion come out in my words.

"Losing me," Zac mutters as he finishes off his beer and throws it it towards the wall beside me. I jump when it shatters. "Now get the hell out of my sight. Looking at you just makes me sick."

As tears sting my eyes, I do as Zac says. I leave the room and head back to the bus, fighting back the tears. I hate that I have hurt Zac and I know he means it when he says I have lost him. In his mind I have betrayed him. I have done what he asked me not to do. Kiss another guy. Be with another guy.


	10. November 3,2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Didn't mom and dad teach you never to walk in when someone was in the shower?" he asks, his eyebrow raising.

The Broken One Chapter Ten

The day after hooking up with Carrick, I was never more relieved to head home and be away from Zac. I knew he was mad and maybe being away from him would calm him down. Make him get over the fact that I had hurt him by doing what he didn't want me to do.

Though now, almost a month later, I stood backstage and watched as my brother's performed their concert at the Chicago House of Blues. Zac had ignored me most of the day and I don't know why it hurt me so much. I mean I knew he would. I knew he would still be mad. Zac could hold grudges with the best of them.

As they finished the show and did their bow, coming backstage, I move out of the way as they walk past me. Zac just gives me a look and I'm sure if looks could kill I would be dead right now.

I sigh and I decide to follow after him, watching as he goes to the showers instead of following Taylor and Isaac outside. I, against my better judgment, follow him into the showers, hearing the water already running.

"Zac," I start but stop when I walk closer and see him naked. It's the first time I have ever seen him fully naked and he is gorgeous, stunning even. I am not sure if he is still self conscious thanks to Kate but he really shouldn't be.

Zac turns to face me and just makes a face, "Didn't mom and dad teach you never to walk in when someone was in the shower?" he asks, his eyebrow raising. Even after speaking he makes no effort to cover himself. He just keeps showering.

I blush and look down away from him. "They did," I say as I shrug, "but I just wanted to talk to you regardless."

"Talk about what?" Zac asks me, his voice growing harsh as if he knows I want to talk about Carrick and what he had seen in Charlotte between us.

I look up at him, "Carrick," I whisper, watching as Zac rolls his eyes at me saying his name. "I'm sorry you had to see us having sex," I tell him honestly. "I..I never meant for it to happen. It just did," I shrug.

Zac turns the water off and reaches for a towel wrapping it around himself. "Did you like it Avie?" he asks me as he pushes past me and heads to where he has clean clothes waiting for him.

At his question, I chew on my lip, wondering if I should be honest or lie. I'm afraid to tell him that I did like having sex with Carrick. Instead I chose to just nod my head yes as he eyes me waiting for an answer.

"Figured you did," Zac spits out harshly as he drops the towel and gets dressed. "I told you not to kiss anyone else Avery. By kissing, I meant sex too," he says as he turns his back to me. "Or did you just forget my words, forget what I told you?"

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "I didn't forget," I tell Zac, letting him know, I did in fact remember what he had told me. "I just wasn't thinking at the time. I was high and I was horny. I wanted to do something bad for once and he was there and we had sex," I explain knowing with the mood Zac is in this is pointless.

"Oh and what about keeping contact with him?" Zac asks me and I swallow hard. I should have known that Carrick would tell Zac that we have been texting back and forth. That we have been getting to know each other.

I look at the wall when he turns to face me again. I'm not sure how to answer him about keeping contact with Carrick.

Zac laughs as I stay silent, "What, you didn't expect the guy I consider one of my best friends to tell me he was talking to my sister?" he asks me his voice still so harsh and cold. I hate it. "You know, he really likes you Avie."

"I didn't know that," I say honestly. I never expected that Carrick would like me. I mean I know he flirted with me in Charlotte and some of his texts have been flirty but I just thought that was how he was.

"Well he does," Zac mutters as he walks closer to me and looks me in the eyes. "It hurts me to say this but be with him Avery," he whispers so soft that even I'm not sure I have heard him right. "At least you guys wouldn't ever have to hide a relationship."

Frowning at his words, I look down, "Is that what you want with me Zac?" I ask him wondering if he wants to date me. "Is that why you told me to not kiss anyone the same day you told me we had to stop what we're doing?"

Zac reaches out and pushes my chin up so I am looking at him again. I just stare into his eyes wondering what he is going to say. "I told you we had to stop because Taylor threatened to tell everyone if I didn't stop messing around with you," he sighs. "I told you not to kiss anyone because I was selfish. I thought that maybe one..." he starts but shakes his head.

"What did you think?" I ask wondering what he was going to say but stopped himself from saying.

Zac shakes his head again, "Nothing, Avery, it is nothing," he smiles as he moves away from and heads towards the doors. "Just be happy with Carrick," he shrugs before leaving the showers.

I stand there frowning as he leaves. He has basically given me permission to be with Carrick but yet it hurts. It hurts knowing that he has given up on me and I also want to know what he was going to say. what did he think could happen?

Shaking my head this time, I walk out of the showers and head to the hotel that is connected onto the House of Blues. It's where my family is staying as tomorrow is yet another concert at the same House of Blues.

When I make it to the lobby, I see Zac talking to Kate by the elevators and I roll my eyes. I hate how he can be so close to me one minute and be with her as if nothing emotionally has been going on with us. Scanning the lobby for my mother, I finally find her in a corner on her cell phone.

I start to walk over to her as she is who I am rooming with tonight but on my way there, I nearly bump into someone, stopping in my tracks, looking up to see a familiar set of blue eyes looking down at me. "Carrick," I smile, feeling my cheeks get hot.

Carrick smirks and leans in, kissing my cheek softly, "You look pretty when you blush," he whispers in my ear before pulling away. "I was hoping I'd run into you. I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch tomorrow before the show, maybe after the walk?"

I nod, "Sure," I smile and nod, agreeing to go out with him for lunch tomorrow. At my words he smiles even bigger and moves out of my way, heading to the elevators. I'm almost to my mom when I hear him say my name again so I turn to look at him.

"Also did you make Zac mad?" Carrick ask me as he raises an eyebrow and I look at him confused.

"What do you mean?" I ask not sure what he means.

Carrick pushes a button for the elevator but keeps his eyes on me, "He kept giving you a death glare during On The Rocks," he shrugs as the elevator doors open and he steps in. "See you tomorrow pretty brown eyes," he calls out before the doors shut.

I blush more and turn, walking over to my mother right as she hangs up and eyes me. "What?" I ask wondering why she is eyeing me like that.

"What was that between you and Carrick?" she asks as she puts her cell phone in her purse.

I smirk and shrug, "Nothing," I lie as I turn to walk to the elevators, my mother following. "He was just inviting me to lunch," I tell her as I press the button for the elevator. After I tell her the last line I see her just raise her eyebrow even more but she stays silent.

When the doors open, we get in and she presses the button to our floor. For once in my life I have never been happier at the silence between us. I know she is probably thinking of reasons as to why Carrick wants to have lunch and some of those reasons are probably right.


	11. December 23,2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I left Kate," he says as if it's the best thing to ever happen to him.

The Broken One Chapter Eleven

After my date with Carrick, things slowly start to get better for me, even if it kills me that I can't be with Zac. I stay true to what he wants though. I start a relationship with Carrick and continue that relationship for a long time. Until I decide to move to France to study for a semester in art school. The day I leave for France is the day that Carrick and I break up for good.

It feels nice to be single and a part of me hopes that maybe once I get back to Tulsa that Zac will want to be with me. That even if it has to be a secret that he will want a relationship, but once my semester ends towards the end of 2009 he doesn't, so I take Carrick up on the offer he gave me when we broke up. That once I finish school in France I should come out to California where he is at.

That is where I am now, with Carrick in California and it's close to Christmas time. I would have gone home but I'm not sure if I am up to facing Zac again. I feel as if he keeps disappointing me. Turning me down and ripping my heart out.

"Hey Avery," Carrick says, his voice interrupting my thoughts. "Can you get the door for me?" he asks and I look over at him as I stand in the bathroom dripping wet. As he looks at me with his eyebrows raised peeking over the shower curtain it is then that I hear the knock at the door.

I just nod and wrap a towel around myself, "Sure babe," I smile as I leave the bathroom once the towel is around me. Going towards the door, I reach it and just open it without even thinking, freezing when I come face to face with my brother.

Zac's eyes widen as he sees me and it's then that I realize he is the last person in my family to know I moved in with Carrick. It's not that I didn't want him to know but well I didn't want him to know and I swore everyone else to secrecy.

"Zac," I say finding my voice and moving aside so he can come in. When he comes in he just looks at me so confused and I think I also see a hint of hurt in his eyes which kills me.

Shutting the door behind him, I watch as he goes to the couch and sits down, "I..umm...wow," he says shaking his head.

I laugh some and walk over to the couch as well, not caring that I'm still in a towel, "I should have told you sooner when I moved out here that I was moving in with Carrick," I blush as I sit down beside him, adjusting the towel so nothing shows.

Zac shakes his head, "I should have known," he shrugs as he runs a hand through his hair which I'm sure he has cut again. I wish he would stop cutting his hair, I think the long hair looks best on him but I know Kate hates it.

"You probably should have," I agree as I chew on my lip wondering why he is here anyway. It's two days away from Christmas and he is in California instead of being at home with his wife and kids. "Why are you here?" I ask deciding to voice my thoughts.

Zac looks over at me and I see him sigh, before looking away from me. "I left Kate," he says as if it's the best thing to ever happen to him. "I got tired of her constant put downs and nagging and so I just left," he smiles before looking at me again. "I came here because I was hoping that Carrick would let me crash on his couch."

When he speaks, I feel shocked knowing that he has left Kate. I never expected to hear him say he left Kate, mainly because I never thought he would. "Y...you left Kate?" I ask wanting to make sure I didn't hear him wrong.

Before he answers me, Carrick walks into the room fully dressed and I see the smile that covers his face when he sees Zac. I stand from the couch, "I'll go dress and leave you two alone for awhile," I force a smile as I leave the room and head to the room I share with Carrick.

Making it to the room, I shut the door behind me and drop the towel as I go to the drawer where my clothes are. Getting them out, I get dressed in a hurry and soon fix my hair, putting it up in a half ponytail. Checking my reflection I sigh, wondering if Carrick is going to let Zac stay here. If he does it's going to make things hard for me and I'm afraid it will rip Zac's heart out having to see me with Carrick all the time.

I take one last look at myself and leave the room, stopping just before I make it to the living room, listening to Zac and Carrick talk.

"You can always stay here Zac," Carrick tells him and I'm sure I can hear the smile in his voice. He loves having Zac around. Hell I'm sure if I weren't in the picture Carrick may just be in love with my brother like I am in love with my brother.

I hear Zac sigh, "You sure Care?" he asks. "I mean I don't want to be a bother to you and Avery."

Carrick laughs, "You won't be a bother. I'll just make sure she doesn't scream so much during sex," he jokes as he laughs more. I hear Zac laugh some at that but I know his laugh is forced.

"I'll stay then. At least through New Years."

After Zac speaks again, I walk into the living room and look at both him and Carrick, "Are you staying?" I ask deciding to pretend that I didn't hear their whole conversation. It's best that way.

Zac looks up at me and nods, "I'm staying through New Year's," he tells me as I sit down beside him.

I nod at his words and fake a smile. I am happy that he is staying but I'm not sure what this will do to us or what it will do to Carrick. It seems like since whatever it is Zac and I have has started, I have been walking on eggshells about something and I'm not sure how much longer I can cope, how much longer I can keep doing what Zac wants, forgetting we share something.

"I think this calls for a celebration," Carrick grins as he stands from the chair he had been sitting in. "I'm going to get some of my stash out of the bedroom," he says as he leaves the room.

When he leaves, I turn to look at Zac, "You sure about this? Staying here knowing I am with Carrick again?"

Zac looks away from me, "I can pretend I'm happy about you two. I've been pretending since this started. You two are happy together and at least you can be with him and not have to be his dirty little secret Avie baby," he whispers the last part as he leans in and kisses my cheek softly. "Just know I love you though."

I nod and frown at his words, "I love you too Zac," I whisper back as I turn my head ever so slightly so our lips are touching in a brief, chaste kiss. I pull away as soon as I hear Carrick's foot steps coming back. I put on my best fake smile and do my best to pretend, pretend that I am happy with Carrick and what Zac wants for me when I'm not. I will never be happy unless I am with Zac and I wish he could see that. I wish he knew that.


	12. December 25,2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Zac laughs at my last comment, of course he would. "Where is said party at Avie?"

The Broken One Chapter Twelve

The next two days seem to fly by with Zac there and before I know it Christmas is here and I'm sitting in some house surrounded by Carrick's friends. It's not that I don't like his friends but most of them are just too hipster to me and I'm not in the hipster crowd at all, never have been. Now Taylor on the other hand would fit in well.

Seeing Carrick, talking to a few of his friends, I stand from the chair I am sitting in and walk outside. It's cold but not too cold that I need a coat. Reaching in my pants pocket, I take out my cellphone and dial Zac's number. He opted not to come to this Christmas get together and I'm hoping he will come and save me from my boyfriend's friends.

"Hello," Zac's voice fills the other end after just two rings which surprises me. Usually it takes him three to four rings to answer the phone.

I chew on my lip, quickly before answering him. "Zac," I start off, deciding he knows it's me, there is no use in stating who I am calling. "I need you to come and get me from this party," I sigh as I roll my eyes, though he can't see me. "I'm being overcrowded by too many hipsters."

Zac laughs at my last comment, of course he would. "Where is said party at Avie?"

After Zac asks where the party is, I rattle off the address and he mutters something about putting it in his GPS and he will be there shortly to come and get me. Hearing the phone go dead, I hang up as well and put my cell phone back in my pocket before sitting down on the stairs and waiting for Zac to get to the house and come and save me.

Hearing the door open, I turn my head and look up to see Carrick coming outside.

"There you are,' Carrick smiles as he sits down next to me on the porch. "I was beginning to think you left," he whispers as he leans in to peck my lips.

I peck his lips and force a smile, "About the leaving thing," I laugh as I look away from him. "I may have called Zac to come and get me," I tell him afraid that he will be mad at me for bailing. He is always telling me I really should give his friends a chance.

"Oh," Carrick mutters as he looks away from. "I should have known you would bail before things really picked up," he shrugs as he runs a hand through his hair. "Can I give you my gift before you go?" he asks when he looks back at me.

I just nod my head and watch as Carrick reaches into his pocket, taking out a small tiny box which makes my heart beat faster. Staying silent as he opens the box to reveal a tiny diamond ring, I feel my mouth drop open having not expected this. I did not think he would propose to me and to be honest even in this moment I'm not sure I will accept it, not when my heart is with Zac.

"Avery, you know I love you, I love you so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he says as he smiles at me and I feel sick. "Will you do me the honor of maybe, spending the rest of your life with me too?" he asks me right as I hear a car pull in the drive way of the house.

I chew on my lip, feeling as if time has stopped now that he has asked me to marry him. "I....yes," I say before I can even stop myself.

Carrick grins and soon slips the ring on my finger. "She said yes," he says as he looks ahead of him before standing up. I too follow his path and see that Zac is standing just inches from the stairs. His face god, I hate myself for all the hurt I can see.

"Congratulations Carrick," Zac smiles and nods, "I told you she would say yes."

I raise an eyebrow as I stand up as well. Zac knew that Carrick was going to propose to me. Zac knew it and hid it. God how can he do this to himself? How can he just put me being happy over his own happiness? How can he want me to be happy with another man?

"That you did," Carrick agrees. "You can take my future wife home now," he says as he turns to head inside. "I feel like going inside to party and celebrate."

After Carrick leaves, I walk off the steps and past Zac, heading to his car, "You knew?" I ask him when I reach his passenger side door and watch as he makes it to the driver's side.

Zac just nods his head and gets in. I roll my eyes and get in as well. "I wish you had told me," I tell him as I buckle up and lean against the seat as he starts the car and drives away, heading back to Carrick's house.

"Why?" Zac asks finally speaking to me. "So you could be prepared to say no?"

I roll my eyes again, "I never said I would have said no had I known," I tell him but we both know I am lying right now. If I had known, I probably would have said no to Carrick tonight. "I just...I don't see why you want this for me Zac," I sigh feeling tears stinging at my eyes. "I'm not happy with Carrick. I'm not happy that I said yes tonight. I will never be happy because he isn't you and I hate that you are pushing me away," I snap a bit too harsh.

I hear Zac sigh and I turn to look at him finally. His eyes are still on the road.

"Avie," he sighs again and finally looks at me briefly. "You know we could never be together. Not publicly anyway and you don't deserve to be anyone's secret."

I shake my head and feel the tears go down my cheek, "But I'd be your secret if I had too."

Feeling the car come to a stop, I realize we are back at Carrick's and I get out, just wanting to get inside. Finding my key in my pocket, I unlock the door and turn the light on before heading to the room I share with Carrick. Making it there I sit on the bed and just cry. I hate what my life has come to right now. I hate how confusing things are and have been since this all started with Zac. I hate how much I love him.

I feel the bed sink down beside me and I look over and see Zac beside me. He pulls me into him and I just cry more. "I want you Zac," I say as I rest my head on his neck.

"I want you too Avery," Zac tells me and I move my head from his neck, raising an eyebrow. "I....fuck, it's hard to watch you be with Carrick but I thought, I thought I was giving you what you needed. I was also avoiding you like Taylor told me to do after he caught us a second time. But now, I can't do this anymore if you aren't happy."

At his words, I smile some and reach my hand up, wiping my tears away. "I'm not happy," I say as I shake my head.

Zac just nods and before I know it he is leaning his head closer to mine, until his lips capture my lips in a kiss. A kiss that is full of need and longing. He wants me and he knows now he can have me.

Kissing him back, I let my hand go rest on his cheek and I move closer to him. It's been so long since he has kissed me like this and I missed it. I missed him. As we continue to kiss, I let myself slowly maneuver into his lap and smirk when his arms go around me.

"I want you Zac," I whisper before pulling away and reaching down to unbutton the shirt he has on. He doesn't stop as I unbutton the shirt and he doesn't stop me as I slip it off of him either. Once it's gone I run my hands down his chest again and frown when he sucks his stomach in again. "You are perfect, no matter what Kate says," I tell him before kissing him again.

As he kisses me back, his hands slid up and under my shirt and I shiver some because they are cold on my hot back. I half wonder if his hands were this cold last time and I just didn't realize it.

Zac pulls away after awhile and I watch as he starts to push my shirt up, so I raise my hands, helping him remove it from me. A smirk crosses his face as he sees I am not wearing a bra. "You're so freaking naughty," he mutters before leaning in and taking one of my breast into his mouth much like he did the first time we got intimate together several years back.

"Zac," I whimper as I feel myself getting turned on. In response to that, Zac just keeps sucking on my breast, even slower than before. "Fuck you are good with your mouth."

Zac moves his mouth off my breast and looks up at me, "I've had years of practice," he shrugs before putting his mouth around my other breast which causes me to whimper again. He is trying to kill me, I'm sure of that.

Biting down on my lip, I feel my hips move into his and I'm not shocked to see he is hard. "You are hard as hard as a rock," I state though I'm sure he knows this already.

This time he moves his mouth from my breasts and laughs, "You are stating what I know Avie," he says as he grabs my head and puts them between us. "How about helping me out of my jeans and you can do something about what you caused."

I just smirk and undo his jeans, pushing him back after they are undone. Kissing him again, I slid them off along with his help.

As we kiss, he turns us over so he is on top and I feel him reach down, undoing my jeans and pushing them off with my panties. They both soon join the floor which is now cluttered with our clothing. "I love you," he whispers before I feel him move his arms and I move away just briefly to see his boxers got thrown on the floor.

Once he is nude I look up at him and bit my lip, "I want to make love to you," I tell him right before he lets his lips move to my neck which he starts to kiss ever so light. He soon enters inside of me and I close my eyes, letting my nails dig into his back. I know having sex in Carrick's bed is wrong but I make no effort to stop what is already happening.

Instead I just close my eyes tighter and enjoy the pace that Zac soon makes for himself, feeling my hips soon matching his movements until I reach my peak around the same time he does.

After he is done, he just lays his head on my shoulder and closes his eyes. I'm about to say something but I hear him snoring and I know he has gone to sleep. Shaking my head, I close my eyes and try to join him in sleep. I just hope we don't get caught by Carrick like this, naked in his bed, tangled together.


	13. December 26,2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I will let you two talk alone now," Zac says as he stands from the kitchen table and walks down the hall, towards the bedrooms.

The Broken One Chapter Thirteen

Waking the next day as the sun comes through the room, I raise my eyebrow, finding Zac gone and I sit up in bed, holding the sheets around me, "Zac?" I ask loudly so it can be heard through the whole house. Not getting an answer, I get out of bed and dress into the clothes I had on the night before.

Leaving the bedroom, I head towards the living room and stop when I find Carrick and Zac sitting in the kitchen. Both of them look up at me and it's apparent I have walked in on some big discussion from the looks on their faces.

"What did I walk in on?" I ask curiously as I walk farther into the kitchen. I'm almost afraid to know but I feel like I need to know because I think it's about me.

Zac looks to Carrick after I ask my question and I notice him raise an eyebrow as if he is waiting for Carrick to respond.

Carrick just returns the same look that Zac gives him, before turning to face me. "I....ummm. I found you two this morning," he tells me, keeping his voice low and no hatred or anger in it. "I came home and saw you two in my bed, butt naked. I was just getting an explanation from Zac."

At his words, I swallow hard. "And what did Zac say?" I ask before I look at Zac wondering if this time Zac will answer my question. "What explanation did he give?" I ask wondering if he told Carrick everything. That after Carrick popped the question I came back home and fucked my brother in his bed.

"I told him the truth Avery," Zac does answer. "That we made love to each other and that you want to be with me."

Gulping I feel shocked. Yeah I did want to be Zac, but I was sure there was a way we could have done it without telling Carrick. Without hurting him, but then again he had caught us, so I guess he did have to know everything.

"I will let you two talk alone now," Zac says as he stands from the kitchen table and walks down the hall, towards the bedrooms.

I stand there and just stare at Carrick for what feels like forever. I'm just waiting for him to start yelling at me but he doesn't. "I guess you want this back?" I ask as I reach down and slip the engagement ring off, holding it out to him.

Carrick shakes his head, "Keep it, I bought it for you," he smiles as he stands up from the table and walks to the counter where his coffee pot is. I just watch as he gets a cup of coffee for him and pours another. "It looked good on you anyway. I don't think anyone else would like it and I sure as hell don't want my money back for it. Pawning it would just be a shame too."

"I get it," I laugh some as I walk to the kitchen table and sit down. "I'll keep the ring."

Carrick turns back around, coming back to the table with both cups of coffee in hand. When he sits down, he puts one of the cups in front of me. "I knew he liked you from the start you know," he informs me and I raise my eyebrow.

"You knew?" I ask shocked by his admission. How did he know? Was it that obvious? Why did he chose to be with me if he knew?

I watch as Carrick takes a sip of his coffee, "Zac told me not long after he sang On The Rocks for you at Chicago. I just had a sinking feeling there was more to his death glare. I confronted him and he confessed everything, but he told me he wanted me to be with you so that you could have everything he could never give you."

I process his words and pick up my coffee cup, taking a drink from it. "And you were okay with that?" I ask. "I mean my brother having feelings for me and doing what he wanted?"

"I liked you Avery," Carrick shrugs. "I wanted so much to love you, be loved by you. I would have done anything by that point to be near you, so yeah, I was okay with doing what he wanted," he nods as he drinks some more of his coffee. "The fact that you two had feelings for each other, it freaked me out but I thought I could stop them. I thought maybe you could come to love me like you loved Zac."

Looking down at my coffee cup, I sigh, "I'm sorry that I can't love you like I love him," I say before picking the cup up again and taking a drink. "You deserve that, being happy."

"You deserve happiness too Avery, even if it is with your brother," Carrick says and from his words, I sense nothing but honesty. He believes what he is saying. "I'm letting you go free. Whenever he decides to go back to Tulsa you can go with him."

Smiling I nod and finish my coffee, "Thank you," I tell him as I stand from the table and take my cup to the sink. Taking one last look at him, I leave the kitchen to go find Zac, not surprised when I find him in the guest bedroom.

Zac who is turning on the radio, turns to face me once he has it on and turned up. A smile coming on over his face as some Beach Boys song comes on. I'm pretty sure it's called Don't Worry Baby.

"We can be together," he says as he walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist. "We can finally be together," he smiles as he sways his body back and forth to the music.

I wrap my arms around his neck, "When we go back to Tulsa we'll have to keep it a secret though," I shrug though I smile knowing he is mine, even if it is going to be a secret. A secret that I'm not sure I want to keep.

Zac just leans in and pecks my lips quickly, "Don't worry baby," he tells me in time with the music which makes him crack up and he pulls away from, starting to dance around the room on his own as he starts to sing the song.

I can't help but laugh as I watch him, raising an eyebrow as he takes my hand and makes me start to dance with him as well. "Zac, we look stupid," I tell him though I'm not sure it will make a difference.

It doesn't make a difference, he just keeps moving us around the room and singing the song which makes me laugh some more. I wish I could I have the optimism he seems to have though about things when we get back to Tulsa. I can't help but worry though. I am nervous and scared that we won't be able to keep this thing a secret.

When the song ends, Zac falls down on the bed and takes me with him. I stop laughing and look over at him. "How can you be so optimistic about things?" I ask him when he looks over at me.

Zac just shrugs, "Because I'm no longer with that bitch. Nothing else can go wrong Avery, even you and I. We can't go wrong," he says before he leans in and kisses me on the lips. "Now how about we make love again?" he asks on my lips and I just nod my head in response. I'm still the same girl I was the day he married Kate. I can't say no to anything he wants from me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "How are you handling things?" he asks as he pats my leg and takes the cigarette from my hand before taking a drag himself.

The Broken One Chapter Fourteen

The next day after the confrontations with my mom and Kate, I sigh to myself as I sit on the front porch, smoking a cigarette. It's not weed but it will help my nerves I have found out. I would be inside, but Kate has again dropped her kids off and I know being around them will just cause too much problems. Problems I'm not sure if I am ready to unearth.

Looking up as I hear a car pull in the driveway, I raise my eyebrow, taking another drag off the cigarette as I watch Carrick step out of the car. I smile instantly as he walks to the porch. "I didn't know anyone had let you know about Zac's upcoming memorial service," I tell him knowing Kate didn't want the media alerted. She didn't want fans showing up or creeping around it.

Carrick sits down beside me, "Taylor called me," he nods as he chews on his lip. "How are you handling things?" he asks as he pats my leg and takes the cigarette from my hand before taking a drag himself.

I just glare at him playfully and sigh, "I am taking things like crap," I shrug. "I miss Zac more every day and I just want to wake up and be told this is some sick and twisted nightmare," I mutter as I feel tears stinging my eyes. "I want the love of my life to still be here for me and not being turned into ashes."

I see Carrick frown at my words and he hands the cigarette back. "I just wish I knew why he did it," he states and I nod my head, though I know I have good suspicions on why he did it. "You know," Carrick says as he looks me over. "The last time I saw you was in September of 2010. You were heavily pregnant," he muses as he raises an eyebrow. "Where is the baby you made with Zac? I want to meet that little darlin."

"Little darlin?" I ask when he refers to the thing that everyone else has been avoiding since I came back. The baby that Zac and I had together.

Carrick nods, "I remember you telling me it was a girl."

I nod too remembering I had told him I was having a girl. "I gave her up," I tell him as I chew on my bottom lip. "I gave her up three days after she was born. The day we left the hospital was my last day with her."

"Oh," Carrick whispers as he looks away from me. "I didn't know you were considering adoption. I mean you and Zac talked like you were going to raise her together, especially since all the tests had came back proving she was a healthy baby."

At his words, I feel tears go down my cheeks, "We were," I whisper back not caring that I am crying. "But Kate happened," I sigh as I stand up and go inside. I can't take this conversation with Carrick right now. I just can't do it.

Going upstairs to my room, I lay on the bed and close my eyes, hoping that sleep will take me. Right now I just need sleep. I need to forget memories that Carrick has brought up for me.

Right as I get my eyes shut though, there is a loud scream, followed by crying, crying I would know anywhere. Moving from my bed, I run out of my room to where the crying is which is the play room next door. Standing in the door of the play room, I see Junia on the ground, blood coming from her head.

"What happened?" I ask Shepherd who is now bending down beside his sister. I walk over and bend down beside Junia as well.

"She was trying to climb up the bookcase," Shepherd informs me as he points to the book case beside him. "She lost her balance and fell."

I frown and pick her up, "I'm going to take you to the hospital Junebug," I mutter to her as I stand up. "We need to make sure nothing is broken or that you don't have a concussion," I frown looking at her bleeding head.

Getting to the door, I walk out and head to the stairs, stopping when I come face to face with my mother and Carrick.

"Junia needs to go to the hospital," I inform them, going down the stairs. "I'm taking her and Kate can kiss my ass later," I grunt out as I make it to the bottom of the stairs. Going to the key ring rack, I grab the keys for my mom's SUV and head outside.

Walking to her car, I hear footsteps behind me and when I stop to open the back door to put Junia in her car seat, I come face to face with my mom again.

My mom sighs as she looks me in the eye, "You know Kate is going to be pissed about this," she states and I shrug in return before putting Junia in her car seat. "She has direct orders not to have you around the kids. Not to have you around Junia."

I shut the door once Junia is in her car seat and I glare at my mother. "Screw her orders. Junia is hurt and I'm taking her to the hospital," I spit out before turning my back to her and getting in the car. Buckling up, I start the car and drive off.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
A few hours later, I sit in the emergency room and watch as Junia sleeps. She has been given a sedative. They had to give it to her before stitching her head up. She had been to agitated. Hearing the door of the room open, I look up and see Carrick walk in the room.

"Did my mom send you?" I ask knowing it was something she would do to avoid drama with me.

Carrick nods his head, "Yeah, she did," he says as he sits down on the edge of Junia's bed. "so, what is Kate going to have to kiss your ass later for?" he asks as he raises an eyebrow.

I look away from him and sigh, "The fact that I brought Junia to the hospital," I say before biting my lip. "She doesn't want me alone with the kids, especially not Junebug," I frown as I shake my head and feel tears in my eyes after that.

"Why?" Carrick asks so soft that I'm not even sure he said anything at all.

I look back at him and take a deep breath, "Because, Junia is my daughter. The baby I was pregnant with in 2010," I say surprised Zac never told him.

Carrick just looks at me with his mouth hanging open and I almost want to laugh, almost. It's funny but then again not. I hate the fact that because of Kate I can't claim my daughter, even though legally there were no papers signed. I still have my parental rights to Junia in tact and if I wanted too I could take her away from Kate in a heartbeat.

"I know, it's shocking isn't it," I say as I move from the chair and get into bed with Junia. "This precious little girl who has been raised by Kate for two years is mine." Looking down at her I smile and kiss her forehead, the side that doesn't have stitches. She is the best thing I have from my time with Zac. The best thing he ever gave me.


	15. January 9,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "And she'll yell at you over the computer for not being shaved?" I ask as I move away from him.

The Broken One Chapter Fifteen

I smirk as I step out of the shower at Zac's apartment. It has been a week since we have been back in Tulsa. We came the day after New Years and since then we have been hiding out at his apartment, the one he used to own before he married Kate and the one they had also lived in for awhile after they were married as well.

Seeing Zac at the sink, shaving a towel around his waist, I smirk more and reach for a towel, wrapping it around me. "You look sexy with scruff on your face, "I tell him as I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing his neck.

Zac moans ever so lightly as he finishes up shaving, "I'm sure you think so, but Kate doesn't and I promised I would skype with her today, well Shep anyway," he shrugs.

I sigh at his words, "And she'll yell at you over the computer for not being shaved?" I ask as I move away from him.

"Yes, she would sadly," Zac sighs as he turns to face me and pulls me into a kiss. "You look really hot when you're wet," he whispers into my mouth.

I blush and kiss him back, "And you look really hot when you're naked," I tell him as I reach over and grab his towel off of him.

Zac kisses me harder and soon, I feel my towel drop as he turns us so I am against the sink. As we kiss, he doesn't even break the kiss to sit me up on it and get in between my legs. "I want you Avie," he growls as his hands now rest on my hips.

"Then take me," I mutter into his mouth, before biting on his bottom lip. Since we have been together there doesn't seem to be a day that we haven't had sex with each other. I just like to think we are making up for lost time with each other.

The longer we kiss, Zac's lips start to wonder down my neck and soon down my chest, making me moan when he stops to suck on each of my breast briefly and he continues his way downward. When he pushes my legs farther apart, I bit my lip as I feel his tongue run up and down my slit, teasing me.

"Fucking tease," I whimper wanting him to just eat me out already. He is really talented at it.

I hear him laugh and I moan again as he finally spreads my pussy lips apart and lets his tongue run up and down me. I'm not sure how many times he did this with Kate but I have to say he is really experienced. He is much better than Carrick ever was.

Moaning louder, I reach my hand down and tangle it in his hair as my head falls back, my eyes closing tight.

I zone everything out, except what Zac is doing with his tongue, that is until I hear a little voice pipe up.

"Mommy what is daddy doing to Aunt Avie?" Shepherd's voice fills the bathroom and I open my eyes, my head shooting up as I turn to look at the door.

Zac moves away from me quickly and he stands up, wrapping the towel back around his waist. "Kate," he squeaks as he runs a hand through his hair. "I..I thought you were in Georgia, that was why we're going to skype."

Getting off the sink, I wrap the towel back around me too and look down, unable to face Kate or even Shepherd after what they have just seen. This is worse than both times Taylor has caught us. Way worse.

"I was," Kate answers Zac, her voice harsh. "But I wanted to come back to surprise you. I thought maybe we could work things out," she finishes. "Shepherd honey, would you mind going into the living room. Mommy needs to have a talk with your daddy and aunt Avie."

Hearing Shepherd's tiny feet run off, I run a hand through my hair, looking up to see her face. She is angry and I'm nervous for what she may do or say. I'm nervous that she is also going to wind up telling everyone else about us.

Zac walks a bit closer to Kate, but she sticks her hand out. "Don't even come near me," she tells him as she shakes her head.

"Kate just let me explain," Zac says as he sighs and looks down. "I'm sorry you had to see what you did."

Kate just laughs at Zac's words. "I'm sorry I had to see it too," she snaps as she turns her eyes on me. "So Avery," she says to me. "How long have you been fucking your brother, you disgusting slut."

At her words, I frown, "I...It just started around Christmas," I answer being honest as my eyes go to Zac. He is looking back at me but I can't read the expression in his eyes.

"Fucking sick," Kate mutters as she shakes her head. "I think the rest of your family deserves to know about this," she shrugs as she crosses her arms. "I think I will tell them after I stop by the lawyer's to get a divorce and take custody of Shepherd from you Zac."

Zac groans loudly, "You wouldn't Kate," he says as he walks closer to her again. "You wouldn't," he says again this time grabbing her arm to make her look him in the eyes.

Kate just laughs bitterly at him and pulls her. "Wouldn’t I?" she asks as she bits her lip. "I put up with too much of your obsession with your sister. I ignored you countless times when you accidentally slipped and said her name during sex. But this, actual proof that you two are fucking around. I'm not ignoring Zac," she tells him not breaking eye contact with him. "Not unless you give me a reason not too."

"And what would that reason be?" Zac asks through gritted teeth.

"Leave her and come back to me," Kate smiles at him sweetly. "And you my dear Avery," she says finally breaking eye contact with Zac. "Can go back to California with Carrick. Does he even know about you two? I'm sure he'd love too."

Raising my eyebrow, I look at Zac wondering what he is going to say. Is he going to give in to what she wants or is he going to let her ruin everything.

Zac lets go of Kate's arm, "Go," he says keeping his voice calm. "Do whatever damage you want."

Kate looks at him shocked and I'm sure I have the same look on my face right now. Without saying anything, Kate turns and leaves the bathroom.

Waiting for a bit to make sure Kate isn't going to come back, I walk closer to Zac. "Why did you do that?" I ask wondering why he just didn't go through with what she wanted. Why did he tell her to do damage?"

"Because I'm not going to lose you again Avie," he tells me as he looks over at me. "I spent too damn long trying to ignore what we both feel. If Kate wants to tell everyone and divorce me then let her. At least in the end we have each other."

I smile at what he has to say, "But what about losing Shepherd?" I ask knowing he shouldn't have to lose his son just because of me.

Zac sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. "I'll figure something out with him," he shrugs as he leaves the bathroom.

After he leaves the bathroom, I shut and lock the door behind him. I let myself fall to the floor as I fight back tears. I didn't want to show him but I am scared shitless for what Kate is going to do. I'm scared of Zac losing his son and I feel like all of this is my doing. If I had never kissed Zac the day before his wedding this can of worms wouldn't be opened right now.

Hearing a knock after awhile I look towards the door. "Yeah?" I ask as I wipe at my eyes and stand up.

"Are you okay?" Zac's voice comes through from the other side and it sounds so worried. I don't want him worried.

I nod though he can't see me. "Yeah, I'm fine," I lie to him as I stand up and open the door, giving him a smile. "I was just thinking," I say as I push past him and head to the bedroom. Lying is the best thing I can do right now.

"Oh," Zac says and I can feel him as he follows behind me. "You sure?" he asks and I turn to face him as I pull open the closet door to find some clothes to wear.

"I'm positive I am fine Zac," I smile again. I need to him believe me. Maybe if he believes me that will make everything better.

Before Zac can respond the phone rings and he sighs, going to the bedside table to get it. "Hello?" he asks going silent not long after.

After I get my clothes out, I turn to watch Zac. He is still silent and I raise an eyebrow. Finally after what seems like ages he hangs up and runs a hand through his hair.

"Who was that?" I ask almost afraid to know the answer.

Zac looks away from me. "Mom," he whispers and I almost don't hear him. "She is calling a family meeting and wants us both to be there in an hour."


	16. January 9,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "How did it go after I left?" I ask almost scared of what he is going to say. I am afraid that our parents are somehow going to make us break up with each other.

The Broken One Chapter Sixteen

Breathing hard as Zac pulls into our parents drive way, I look at him when he parks the car. "Do we have to go inside there?" I ask. I want to just pack up and run. That's what we should have been doing for the past hour. Packing our things to leave, not getting ready to be confronted by our whole family.

Zac laughs and reaches over taking my hand in his, "Avie, we can do this," he tells me as he squeezes my hand. "We can face everyone and we can do it together," he smiles, before bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it.

I want to believe him, I really do, but I just have an awful feeling about this. What if they make us break up again? What if they have us arrested?

"Okay," I smile, hoping that I can hide my worries from him. Letting go of his hand, I get out of the car. "Let's do this," I say once he is out as well.

Walking to his side of the car, I take his hand again and walk with him up to the porch. Before we can even knock, our mother has flung the door open and she looks like she could just kill us both.

"Both of you, inside now," she snaps out so harsh that I jump just a bit.

Squeezing Zac's hand, I step inside with him and we head to the living room where everyone in our family minus the kids are. I'm really glad none of my nieces and nephews are here for this. This would just be too hard to explain if they had been there.

Hearing my father clear his throat, I look over at Zac and he drops my hand, sitting down in the only available chair left. I just roll my eyes and sit on the arm of the chair.

"Kate says she caught you two," my father starts as he looks right at Zac. "She says it was in a sexual situation, that you were," he stops as he takes a deep breath. "That you were going down on your sister."

Seeing Zac blush, I bit my lip as he opens his mouth to speak. "Yeah, I was," he confirms and I blush then at that silence that has now seemed to creep into the room. I'm not a fan of the silence at all and I hate the way it feels like everyone is now looking and judging me.

"I..we love each other," I finally speak up as I turn away from Zac and look at everyone in the room. The only one who seems not that surprised is Taylor and why should be surprised? He had to know this was coming sooner or later.

"That is sick," my mom finally speaks breaking the silence. "Not to mention illegal," she mutters as she rolls her eyes.

I frown as I look at her and see nothing but pure anger looking back at me. I feel like a failure as a child.

"What happened to Carrick?" my father speaks again, his voice coming out a bit nicer than my mother's had. "I mean, he called us and told us he was proposing to you."

At his question about Carrick, I sigh and shake my head, "We broke up," I confirm. "He..he always knew about Zac and I. It was amicable, he wanted me happy and he knows Zac makes me happy," I smile as I look back at Zac who is watching me.

"Your mom is right," Natalie says before my dad or mom can say anything else. "This is sick," she mutters as she stands up from the couch. "I can't just sit here and say I am happy for you, especially since Taylor told me everything before we came here. That you two have been messing around since 2006."

"You told Nat," Zac spits out rather harsh, his eyes soon turning to look at Taylor. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone."

I look over at Taylor in time to see him just look down and away from Zac's gaze. "That was before you broke the rules and decided to be with her and let yourself get caught by Kate."

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes, "Fuck you Taylor," I spit out to him as I stand from the arm of the couch. "This fucking family meeting is over. None of you will understand what Zac and I feel for each other but at least let us be happy together," I yell as I push past Natalie and head outside to the porch, letting the door slam behind me.

Going to the porch swing, I sit down and break down crying. If I expected Zac to come after me he doesn't. No one comes outside for what seems like hours and when the door does open it's not Zac I see when I lift my head. It's Taylor.

"I'm sorry Avery," Taylor starts in as he sits down beside me. "I mean for what I said and telling Natalie."

I wipe my eyes and shrug, "Why are you apologizing?" I ask as I lock eyes with him. He is usually too prideful to apologize for anything.

"Because Zac told me too," he confesses, "and because I want too. I am sorry," he tells me again before standing from the swing. "I...just if Zac makes you happy then be with him okay," he smiles before turning and going inside.

Once he leaves I look out and over the porch. I'm not sure if Taylor's smile was sincere but his last few words sure seemed that way so maybe they were. As I think over Taylor's words I don't even hear the door or know anyone is beside me until I feel the swing moving. When I turn my head I finally see Zac.

"How did it go after I left?" I ask almost scared of what he is going to say. I am afraid that our parents are somehow going to make us break up with each other.

Zac runs a hand through his hair, "They are all grossed out but I think they know if they don't accept us they will lose us," he tells me as he pulls me closer. "They just want us to be happy and in their lives so for now they are going to let us be together."

I just look up at him as he pulls me closer feeling shocked by what he has said. This was something I never expected to hear. "Really?" I ask wanting to make sure I heard him right.

He nods his head, "Really," he smiles before kissing my forehead just ever so slightly.

When he kisses my head, I let myself relax against him and I close my eyes briefly as I inhale his scent. He smells like weed, chocolate, and strangely me. "I still want think it would be best for us to run away somewhere and change our names, ditch this town and our family, minus Shepherd. We can take Shep with us."

Zac just laughs at my words and kisses my forehead again, "And where would we go?"

I think that question over, biting my lip, "Italy," I say naming the first place that comes to mind. "I think Italy is a nice place to go."

"Okay, then, Italy it is, but what would our fake names be?" he asks another question and without even looking at him I'm sure I can hear a smirk in his voice.

Again I think that over, "Well I'd be Juliet, I like that name," I smile as I look up at him. "And you can be my Romeo."

Zac just laughs again, "But we die," he says as he looks into my eyes. "I don't want to die, especially by suicide, not when I have you."

I shrug, "I don't care, I would die for love," I tell him as I lean up and kiss him softly on the lips. "I'd die for you and I know I would die if I couldn't have you."

"Well, when you put it that way, I don't care either, cause I would die for love too if I couldn't have you," he mutters before kissing me again and then pulling away and standing from the swing. "Come on Juliet, let's head back home my love," he smirks as he extends his hand out to me.

I just laugh and take his hand, standing up and following him to his car. When we get there we part hands as we separate ways and get in. After we are in I just watch him as he drives home. I never knew I could love a man as much as I love him.

"I hope things stay this good," I tell him though I'm not sure if they can. There is still Kate and I'm afraid of what she can do. I'm afraid of what she will do. Kate scares the living daylights out of me, especially when she is mad and I'm sure she will be worse when Natalie tells her that the family has accepted in their own way that Zac and I are a couple.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I know who she is," she spits out. "You talk about her all the time."

The Broken One Chapter Seventeen

After a while at the hospital, Junia is released and I start to carry her outside, heading to my mom's car.

"You know," a voice pipes up from beside me and I turn to look at Carrick. "When you get home Kate is going to be pissed," he sighs as he ran a hand through his dark hair which is starting to gray some. It makes me sad he is going gray. It's showing the fact that he is in his mid thirties and he is no longer the same age he was when I fell into some sort of infatuation with him, because as much as I hate to admit it, I did have some feelings for Carrick or I wouldn't have moved in with him.

I nod, knowing he is right. "I know," I tell him as we finish the walk to my mom's car and I move a still sleeping Junia up on my hip. For once I can feel like her mother and not feel bad. Though I do wonder if I had not given into Kate's blackmail if Zac would still be here and we could be raising her together.

Carrick looks down for a long while as if he is thinking of something, of what I am scared. "You could come back to my hotel for the night. I have enough room, I'm sure my roommate wouldn't mind if I let you and Junia use the other bed in the room?"

At his words, I consider his offer. "It will just make Kate worse," I sigh knowing it will add fuel to an already burning hot fire but I don't care. "Okay," I smile as start to put Junia in the back but Carrick blocks my way.

"I will come and get your mom's car later," he informs as he takes the keys right out of my hand and opens the back door, getting Junia's car seat out of the back for me. "You guys can ride with me," he smiles as he carries the car seat to his car and I follow behind him holding Junia.

Once he has the car seat in his car, I put Junia in and get in myself, buckling up as Carrick takes off to his hotel. The whole ride there is silent, except for the radio playing on one of the lowest volume settings. It's so weird how Carrick always seems to just be there for me, no questions asked. Maybe I should just try to make myself fall in love with him. Wouldn't that be easy? He could help me grieve Zac and also help me with Junia if I decide to take her as mine.

When we arrive at his hotel, I get out when he parks and go to get Junia, stopping as Carrick gets her out. She wakes up some but then lays her head on his shoulder and drifts right back off.

"I could carry her," I tell him as walk inside the hotel. "I am her mother," I whisper in case she wakes back up and hears me. The last thing I need is her asking questions to Kate tomorrow about what I meant.

Carrick just looks at me and smiles, his blue eyes locking with my brown. "She is fine," he tells me as I hear his voice crack some. "Holding her almost feels as if Zac is here still. That everything will be okay."

I frown after he says, "I guess in a way he is," I say as I look at my daughter. "She is part Zac," I smile sadly.

When Carrick stands in front of I room, I watch as he knocks and a few seconds later the door is opened by a girl with orange hair that I am not sure is real or a dye job. I really wasn't expecting whoever had came in with him to be a girl.

As we go inside, Carrick puts Junia down on a bed and I sit down, staying silent.

"I didn't know you were bringing guests," the girl finally speaks as she looks at Junia and I. I really hate the way she is glaring at me. It makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Carrick looks at her and sits down on the other bed, "They needed a place to go," he tells her as if that should explain everything. "Avery," he says as he looks at me. "This is my girlfriend Piper. Piper this is Avery."

Piper just glares at me more as she sits down beside Carrick on the bed. "I know who she is," she spits out. "You talk about her all the time."

"I don't want to get into this right now Piper. There is a child in the room and I am sure Avery wants to sleep," Carrick snaps back as he turns his head to Piper once she is beside him on the bed.

Carrick's comment is enough to shut Piper up and I am thankful for that because he is right. I do want to sleep. Slipping my shoes off, I lay down beside Junia in bed and drift off. I'm not saying sleeping beside her was the best sleep I had got since Zac's death but it came pretty close. It seems that being around the girl who I wanted to avoid is helping me instead of hurting me.

Awaking the next morning as the sun comes through the window, I groan and reach for Junia, only to find the place next to me empty. Opening my eyes, I sit up and look around, spotting Carrick at the table in the room drinking a cup of coffee and reading what looks like a copy of Tulsa World. "Where is my daughter?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow.

Carrick puts the paper down and looks at me. "I convinced Piper to take her downstairs to the continental breakfast. Piper may be pissed at me but she loves kids too much to turn down that offer," he smirks before taking a drink of his coffee.

"I'm sorry if my coming made Piper mad," I tell him. It's true, I don't want to cause problems for him and his girlfriend. It seems I just have a habit of ruining people's lives though. "Why does she say you talk about me all the time?" I ask as I stand from the bed and walk over taking a seat in the other chair at the table.

"Because I do," Carrick confesses as he watches me sit down. "It's a bad habit I still haven't broken since our break up," he laughs and I think I hear hurt in it. I know he willingly let me go but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt him.

I just blush and look away from his gaze, staying silent.

"How come Zac just let you walk out of his life?" Carrick asks breaking the silence. "I know Zac and he was stubborn so how come he didn't come after you, after you left him and Junia? It's kind of funny, I always figured you left him because he cheated on you with Kate and once the baby was there you just checked out. I never did the math."

I laugh some. I should have known he would have questions for me. "Zac was stubborn," I confess. "I tried to always tell him I was doing it for his own good. That Kate would just make us pay, but he didn't listen. Eventually I knew I would have to make him think I moved on and I did," I whisper hating myself for that. "The last time I saw him alive, he caught me having sex with someone we were both close to."

Carrick makes a face, "Who?" he ask curiously.

"I'd rather not say," I tell him as I chew on my lip. The guy and I had made a pact that no one would know of our one night stand. He had been drunk and I was just trying to find a way to get Zac to leave me alone and be with his bitch of a wife. I'm pretty sure Zac eventually confessed to the guy that he saw us, that he caught us, because the guy had also distanced himself from me.

"If you'd rather not then I won't push it," he says right as the door to the room opens and I smile seeing Junia run in.

"Aunt Avie," she yells as she runs to me and I pick her up, kissing her cheek.

"Hello June bug," I say to her as I hold her close. I almost wish I didn't have to go back home today. I just want some more time with my daughter. "You feeling better?" I ask as I look at her stitches.

Junia nods her head, "I want to go back home to mommy now though," she informs me and I feel my heart break. If only she knew she was with her mommy. Can I ever really rip her away from Kate? Kate may be a bitch but this little girl loves her.

"Sure," I tell her as I look at Carrick again. "Did you get my mom's car?"

"Yeah, I woke up before everyone else and took a taxi to the hospital. The car is in the parking lot."

At his words, I stand up from the chair and hold Junia on my hip. "I will see you later," I smile at Carrick, ignoring the glare Piper is giving me again.

Walking out of the room, I make it outside and to the car, smiling when I find that Carrick has also put Junia's car seat back in the car. Putting Junia in, I get in and drive back to my parents house. After being around Junia and finally acknowledging she is my daughter I have so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. Things I will need to figure out.


	18. March 20,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you up," I tell him as I lean in and peck his lips lightly.

The Broken One Chapter Eighteen

It has now been exactly two months since our family has found out about us. Okay really two months and a few days. Since then Zac and I have been a couple around everyone in our family, thought out in public we act just like any brother or sister. No one has caught on in our circle of friends except Carrick but he always knew.

Biting my lip as I come out of my thoughts, I watch as Zac sleeps on the couch napping. We had been up all night yesterday. We had decided spur of the moment to go out and get tattoos and then we had spent all of last night making love after getting them.

Shaking my head, I lift up the pair of pajama shorts I am wearing around his house and look at the tattoo I have on my thigh. It is a quote from Romeo and Juliet. For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo. After the conversation Zac and I had on our false names, I have come to the conclusion that Romeo and Juliet is our story, minus I don't think any of us will be dying anytime soon. At least I hope not.

Pulling my pajama shorts back down, I watch Zac again and smirk thinking of his tattoo. It is also a quote from Romeo and Juliet. It's so simple compared to mine. Give me my sin again. His sin being in reference to me and not the kiss in which Romeo referred to in the book.

"Avie," Zac's voice says breaking me from my thoughts. I turn to look at him and watch as he sits up from the couch.

"Enjoy your nap?" I ask as I stand from the floor and walk over, sitting beside him on the couch. "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you up," I tell him as I lean in and peck his lips lightly.

Zac just nods and lets a hand rest on my leg, "I go to see Shepherd in an hour," he informs me. Just this month Kate has finally agreed to let Zac see Shepherd again. I think Natalie helped that. All it took was Zac complaining to Taylor enough who in turn complained to Natalie.

I nod at his words, "I know," I tell him as I smile. "I'm glad you are getting to see him. He deserves to see his daddy, even if he and Kate caught us in a not so good position," I sigh. I have hated myself for that ever since. I hated that it probably scarred him. Maybe one day he won't need therapy.

"I wish Kate thought like that," Zac sighs as he stands from the couch and I just sit back.

It seems like time flies and soon Zac is leaving me to go and see his son. I sometimes wish he was allowed to bring Shepherd here, but I know that is pushing it right now. Kate is being generable enough just letting Zac come to her house to see him.

Laying down on the couch, I close my eyes and drift off, knowing I have nothing else to do right now.

A few hours later, I am startled awake by the door slamming and I raise my head, watching as Zac comes back in. "Zac?"

Zac turns to look at me and I can just feel the anger rising off of him. It scares me to see it and feel it. I'm half sure it has something to do with Kate though I don't know what.

"Is everything okay?" I ask as I sit up and watch as he plops down on the couch, holding a few pieces of paper in his head.

"No," he spits out and I jump in the air at the venom in his voice. "Kate filed for divorce and sole custody of Shepherd. She is petitioning to have my parental rights revoked."

I frown when he informs me of what Kate is doing. It just makes me hate her that much more. Can't she understand that ripping a child away from their parent won't solve anything? It certainly won't bring Zac back to her if that is what she is trying to do. 'I'm sorry," I whisper as I walk over to Zac and sit down on his lap.

Zac just sighs and wraps his arms around me, his hand putting the papers on the coffee table. "I just wish she'd leave Shepherd out of this. Divorcing me is fine but I don't want her taking away my child. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him."

Chewing on my lip, I rest my head against his shoulder, "Then maybe," I start as I take a deep breath almost afraid to say what I am, "maybe you should just leave me and go back to Kate," I tell him as I frown. I don't want to lose him but then again I don't want him to lose Shepherd either. "Make your family with Kate work."

"No," Zac states and I feel him kiss my forehead. "I'm staying with you. I will find a way to fight her for Shepherd but I am not losing you in the process babe," he tells me, his voice getting almost stern. He is being serious and standing his ground. He isn't going to let me go.

I sigh and pull away standing up. "Why? I don't want you to lose your son because of me," I snap out as I shake my head. "I would hate myself," I mutter as I shake my head and feel tears stinging at my eyes. "I already hate myself for what Kate is doing."

"Avie," Zac sighs as he stands up too and reaches out for me but I pull away from his grasp and head towards the bedroom. "Don't do this," he yells as he follows behind me. "Don't you dare fucking run away."

Getting to the bedroom I open the closet and start to grab a suitcase, feeling a hand grab me roughly on the arm. Turning I come face to face with Zac. "I'm not running away," I tell him as I shake my head. "I'm just letting you keep your son in your life."

Zac laughs bitterly as he keeps a hold of my arm, squeezing it some so I can't pull away. "Bullshit Avery. Leaving me is running away. So what, Kate wants to cause some hell. Let her, I will find a way to beat her. But I refuse to let you go away. We fought so long for this. For us and I am not giving it up when I am finally at some sort of peace."

Sighing, I drop the suitcase and I feel his grip on my arm loosen. I'm sure by tomorrow I am going to have marks there. "Fine," I concede letting him know he has won for now. "You win, I will stay, but if you lose Shepherd I am going to hate myself so much," I frown my voice breaking as I feel a few tears going down my cheek.

"I won't lose Shep," he tells me so confident. I just nod, hoping I can believe him.

As I stand there not saying anything, I watch as he starts to lean closer to me, soon closing the distance between us with his lips against mine. Have I said I am addicted to his lips? I hope so because it's true. I could kiss him all day if I had the opportunity to.

Kissing him back, I slowly let my arms go around his neck and back him towards the bed, pushing him down before letting myself fall over him.

"What do you think you are doing?" Zac asks in between kisses as his hands find their way under the shirt I have on, causing me to shiver just a bit.

"Taking you," I tell him as I smirk and pull away from the kiss long enough to take my shirt off and throw it to the floor. After it is gone I lean in and kiss him again, my hand going to unbutton the shirt he has on. I just really need him. To let him know that I am not running away right now.

Zac soon starts to help me unbutton his shirt and then he pulls away, slipping his shirt off and throwing it to the floor with mine, "I think I like it when you take me," he smirked before leaning up to kiss me again.

I just laugh against his lips and kiss him hard, reaching between us to undo his jeans and slid them off with his boxer briefs, "I like you allowing me to take you," I whisper into his mouth as I feel him slip off my pajama shorts in a hurry and I blush remembering that I don't have any panties on.

I feel Zac pull away from the kiss and he looks me over, "Naughty," he mutters as his hand slips between my legs and he rubs me a few times before kissing me again. His hand soon moves out from between my legs and his hands rest on either side of my hips, guiding me down on him.

A moan escapes my mouth as he fills me up and I kiss him harder. I love how he feels inside of me. I always have. "Zac," I say on his lips. "I haven't taken my birth control today."

"One time won't hurt anything," Zac whispers as he soon starts to move me on him and I just moan out, deciding not to move away from him. Maybe he is right. One time won't hurt anything. I can just take my birth control tomorrow and everything will be fine.

Biting down on his bottom lip, I turn us over so he is on top and I groan as he starts to thrust in and out of me, hard and fast. It's the roughest he has ever been with me and a part of me would be lying if I said I didn't like it. I do like it.

"Fuck, Zac," I growl out as I dig my nails into his back and close my eyes as his pace stays the same and he soon brings me over the edge, my walls closing in around his cock.

Not long after I reach my orgasm, I feel him shudder above me and then rest his head on my shoulder.

As we both lay there catching our breath, I feel him slide out of me and I smile, content. "I love you," I tell him once I can speak.

"I love you too Avie," Zac smiles when he raises his head to look at me. "So much."

I smirk and peck his lips again, "You know, since I can't leave you, you can never leave me," I laugh as I hold him closer. "Never."

Zac just lays his head against my breast and I hear him sigh, "I will never leave you Avery Laurel Hanson. Never."


	19. April 14,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Zac...but...we" I say, stopping and starting as I try to form sentences.

The Broken One Chapter Nineteen

A few weeks later, I groaned as I sat in the bathroom at the 3CG offices. I had came by to visit Zac at lunch but somehow, I had found myself in the bathroom, getting sick. It had been happening now for the past three days. I'd get sick every morning and it would last well into the afternoon.

Hearing a knock at the door, I sigh as I flush the toilet and lean against the wall, "Come in," I holler out, knowing I left the door unlocked.

When the door opens, I watch as Jessica comes in and frowns down at me, "Are you okay?" she asks as she bends down to my level. Her hand rests on my forehead and she makes a face. "You don't feel hot," she notes then raises an eyebrow.

"Because I'm not running a fever," I snap out as I roll my eyes. "I just, I have been getting sick every morning for the past three days and it lasts well into the afternoon. It always stops around dinner time," I shrug as I feel my stomach turn again and I make a beeline for the toilet, losing the contents of my stomach again.

Jessica remains silent until I am done and the toilet is flushed, "When was your last period?" she asks and I am confused by the question.

Biting my lip, I think it over, "March 10th," I answer finally remembering when it was. It's then that my eyes pop open. "Fuck, I'm late," I say as I look up at Jessica and see a small smirk playing on her lips. "I'm eight days late," I whisper knowing that I am usually like clock work.

"Do you think you could be pregnant?" Jessica asks as she stands up.

At her question, all I can remember is the night after my argument with Zac. We had, had unprotected sex. I hadn't taken my birth control but he hadn't thought just one time would hurt us. "Maybe," I answer as I stand up as well and slowly put a hand on my still tiny stomach. "I mean we just had sex one time unprotected. After that I took my birth control the next night."

Hearing Jessica laugh some, I look over at her, "Ave, all it takes is one time," she shrugs before turning to leave me alone in the bathroom.

I frown to myself as I keep my hand on my stomach knowing she is right, "I guess I'm going to have to go and buy a pregnancy test," I whisper before moving my hand from my stomach and leaving the bathroom. I don't even say goodbye to Zac after doing so. Instead I slip out the front door and go to my car, getting and driving to the nearest drug store.

When I get there, I park the car and get out, heading inside and to the aisles with pregnancy tests. I am nervous and I'm not even sure what kind of pregnancy tests to get. I just decide to grab three different kinds.

Once I have them, I go and pay and quickly leave, driving back to the apartment I share with Zac. The whole way there I can feel my heart beating faster and I know there are a thousand different ways my being pregnant is wrong. "God," I speak up as I sigh, "please don't let me be pregnant. It's wrong and there could be something wrong with the baby if I am. Please just let every test come out negative," I whisper as I feel tears sting my eyes.

Arriving at the apartment, I park the car and get out, grabbing the bag with the tests in them before heading inside. Immediately going to the bathroom once I am inside, I close the door and lay the bag on the counter, taking the first test out and opening it, reading the directions.

I chew my lip as I hold the stick and walk over to the toilet, using it as directed and then waiting. It's the waiting part that kills me because I just get more nervous. I know a child isn't right and I'm not even sure if I could go through with a pregnancy by Zac, especially if I knew the baby wasn't okay.

"Here goes nothing," I mutter to myself as I look at my clock and see the time for waiting has ended. Moving from the edge of the bathtub where I had been sitting I pick up the stick and frown when I see two very strong pink lines. I know two pink lines means I am pregnant.

Laying the stick down, I open the other box and read the directions deciding to take it as well. Maybe there was a fluke with the first one. Using the second one I wait the time it says and again check, this time greeted by a positive symbol. "Fuck," I hiss out before deciding on the last one.

By the time I am done with the third I have three positive pregnancy test results on the bathroom sink. This is not happening. I am not pregnant. I can't be fucking pregnant, but I am.

Falling to the floor I break down in tears as I bring my knees to my chest. This pregnancy just makes everything even worse, because I know once Kate knows she is going to flip her shit.

Staying in the bathroom for awhile, I wipe my eyes when I hear the front door open and Zac calling out my name. "In the bathroom," I answer him as I stand from the floor and fix my clothes.

When the door opens, I turn to look at Zac.

"What are you doing in here?" Zac asks as he steps in and raises an eyebrow. "Have you been crying?" he asks softly and I just nod my head at his question.

I'm not even sure how to tell him I am pregnant with his baby. "I...I found out some news today," I frown as I reach for one of the pregnancy tests, handing it to him. "We are having a baby," I whisper as my voice falters and I feel the tears coming again.

Zac just takes the test and looks at, staying silent for the longest time. So silent that I am afraid he is going into shock. "W..we're having a baby," he finally speaks and it's then I notice the smile on his lips. How can he smile at a time like this? How can he be happy?

"You're happy?" I ask as feel more tears coming down my cheek.

Zac nods and lays the stick back down on the sink, "Why wouldn't I be?" he asks me as he reaches over and wipes the tears from my eyes.

I just look away from him, "Because, this baby is going to make Kate so much more pissed off and not to mention the health problems it could have. You have to think of all the problems with incest babies," I mutter as I shake my head. Is Zac even using his brain right now? It really doesn't seem like he is.

"I know all of that Avery," he tells me as his hands rest on my cheeks. "But we can deal with Kate like we have been doing and as for the health problems, it's a fifty percent chance it could be fine too, let's think positive okay," he nods before leaning in and pecking my lips. "Let's just be happy that God allowed us to have a baby."

At his mention of God, I raise an eyebrow, "You really think God allowed this?" I ask not sure if it was God or us just being dumb and stupid.

Zac just smiles as his brown eyes lock with my own, "Of course I think it was God," he nods. "God has a reason for everything he does.

I just roll my eyes. I really want to believe him but it's so hard. I can't see how God would want us to have a baby together. I can't see how any higher being would. "I'll try to be happy," I tell him as I shake my head. "For you."

"Good," he smiles more as he leans in and pecks my lips again. "We're having a baby," he says as he pulls away and runs out of the room.

I just follow behind him confused, "Yeah, we are," I tell him as I find him our bedroom, rummaging through his underwear drawer. When he turns around to face me I am even more confused at the box in his hand and him coming over to me.

When he opens the box, I feel my eyes widen at the diamond band in it, "Zac...but...we" I say, stopping and starting as I try to form sentences. "We can't ever get married."

Zac just grabs my hand and squeezes it, "I know, but I still want you to wear my ring," he says as he takes the ring out. "Just do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me," he laughs. "That's as good as being married isn't it?"

I laugh some as well, "I guess it is," I smile and nod. "I'll wear your ring and do you the honor of spending the rest of my life with you."

"I was hoping you'd say that," Zac tells me as he slips the ring on my finger.

Looking down at the ring on my finger I can't help but think that it looks just right. It fits perfect. "How long have you had this?"

Zac shrugs as he walks towards the door, "Since Valentine's day," he smirks. "Now come on, let's go out to eat so I can get fed...and if our baby is anything like me I'm sure it's hungry too."

I just laugh and shake my head, walking to him and taking his hand, "Your baby is nothing like you. If it was it wouldn't keep making mommy sick so she is never hungry."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Why the hell are you here and why are you so drunk?"

The Broken One Chapter Twenty

Arriving back home I get out and get Junia out, letting her walk inside as I walk behind her. The moment we get in Kate is sitting on the stairs and Junia runs over to her like a child on Christmas day which breaks my heart.

I hate seeing Kate with my child. I hate myself for this situation I am now in, "She is fine," I say through gritted teeth when Kate stands up. "Just a few stitches," I mutter as I walk into the living room away from the woman who I can tell just from her face is fuming.

"There you are," my mother says relieved the moment I step into the living room. She is sitting on the couch with Natalie whose face is red and blotchy from crying.

I raise my eyebrow, "Is she okay?" I ask as I look from Natalie to my mother in confusion.

Natalie shakes her head no at my question, "Taylor is missing. H..he hasn't been home since the night Zac shot himself."

"He is missing?" I ask as I feel my heartbeat faster in my chest. The only thing flashing through my head is my one night stand with him. The one Zac had seen. "Have you tried calling him?" I ask her, chewing on my lip. I might have a suspicion on where he is. Especially if he is like me and blaming himself for Zac's death.

Natalie nods her head, "Yes," she croaks out and I sigh.

"I..I think I know where to find him," I confess as I turn around and leave the living room, glad I had kept my mom's keys in my pocket. Going back outside, I get in the car and drive off towards our family's cabin.

It only takes an hour to get there and I was thankful there wasn't much traffic. Parking the car, I get out and head towards the porch, seeing a light on in the living room. Trying the knob I find it locked so I raise my hand and knock a few times.

"Go away," Taylor's voice yells from the other side of the door and I can tell from the slur that he is drunk. Has Zac's death really messed him up that badly?

I ignore his words and knock again. I'm not going to go away. I want answers as to why he has ran off from Natalie and why he is drunk. When I raise my hand to knock again, I jump slightly as the door opens and I come face to face with Taylor. He looks disheveled. His hair is a mess, his clothes are all wrinkled and it smells like he has bathed himself in alcohol.

"I told you to go away," Taylor slurs as he gets in my face and I make a face at how awful his breath smells. He really needs a fucking shower.

I roll my eyes and push him away as I make my way in, "I know what you told me to do," I sigh, "but I'm not one for listening to what I am told to do," I shrug as I hear him shut the door behind me. "Why the hell are you here and why are you so drunk?"

I hear Taylor laugh and watch as he walks over to the couch and slumps down. "I can't get the images of Zac dead out of my head," he frowns. "You know, Kate wasn't the first one to find him. I did. I found him and those images haunt me," he whispers and I watch as a few tears go down his eyes.

"You what?!" I ask shocked at his admission of finding Zac dead first. "But why didn't you say anything?" I ask as I sit down beside him and reach over to brush the tears away but he moves away from me.

Taylor looks down and away from me. "Because I feel responsible for him being dead," he voices and I want to scream. I want to scream and tell him it's my fault that Zac is gone and not his. Everything is my fault.

"It's not your fault Taylor. It's mine," I finally spit out after a few minutes of silence. "I'm the one who left him because of Kate. I'm the one who used you to convince him I had moved on. Me, I did this not you. I'm the reason he took his own life," I spit out as a lump forms in my throat and I reach for the half empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the table.

It has finally hit me yet again that Zac is gone. He left me without even saying goodbye to me. He left me without anything and maybe that is karma because in a way I did the same to him too. Taking a drink from the whiskey bottle I make a face as it goes down and burns my throat in the process.

Taylor steals the bottle from me and takes a drink, "I hurt him. I had sex with you and hurt him," he frowns more and I see more tears going down his cheeks. "I shouldn't have been so drunk. I should have pushed you away."

"You should have but like you said you were drunk. You weren't exactly thinking right," I shrug as I take the bottle from him and take a drink. "At least he forgave you. You know he never even forgave me. He would never speak to me after he saw us. I tried calling him but he never returned my calls and then the next thing I know is mom calling saying he is dead."

I watch as Taylor shakes his head, "Zac...I found a letter addressed to you on his desk when I found him," Taylor confesses as he reaches into his jeans and pulls out the letter. "I didn't read it but I guess if he addressed it to you then maybe he wasn't that mad at you."

Taking the letter from him, I raise my eyebrows and unfold it, letting myself read what it said. I'm surprised that Zac would even write me a letter. That he had even thought about me in his final moments alive.

Dear Avery,  
If you are reading this, then it means you know what I have done. What I have chosen to do. I...I'm sorry it came to this. I'm sorry that I left you and I'm even sorry that you never got to say goodbye to me. I had to do it though. I didn't see any other way. I had lost you because of Kate and a week ago Kate informed me she was filing for divorce and was going to take the kids, both of them. I had already lost you. I didn't want to lose my kids too because my bitch of a wife. I just don't see any other way for this to be better except with me out of the picture. I....just know I love you. I always have loved you and you know I always will, no matter where my soul goes. I made you one last thing though. I made last night, before I drove here to the studio. It's in my dresser at home, you know if Kate hasn't found it yet. Hopefully she hasn't.  
Zac  
P.S. You and I will meet again one day. I'm sure of it.

Folding the paper back up, I put it in my pocket and feel tears stinging at my eyes. Damn him for leaving me and hurting me. Damn him.

"I hate him," I yell as I stand up and walk over to a shelf where some pictures are. "I hate him so much," I snap as I knock the pictures off the shelf not jumping as they fall to the floor and the glass shatters. "He left me and I never even got to say goodbye," I squeak as I feel arms around me and I fall to the floor bringing Taylor with me. He still stinks but at least he is here for me when I need him.

Taylor shushes me and I feel him rubbing my back trying to calm me down. "You will be fine Avery," he reassures me and I want to laugh. I don't think I will ever be fine again. How can I be? Zac is dead and he left me behind. He left me and now on top of that I'm confused over what to do with Junia.

I shake my head, "I will never be fine Taylor," I sigh as I shut my eyes and listen to his faint heartbeat in my ears. "I just want to stop hurting and missing Zac," I frown, feeling myself yawn. Before I know it, I have fallen asleep in Taylor's arms.


	21. August 26,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "How?" he asks through gritted teeth, "because I swear if she threatened our baby I will kill her," he snaps and I jump.

The Broken One Chapter Twenty One

I run a hand over my belly as I sit in the doctor's office. I'm five months pregnant now and today is the day that Zac and I find out if the baby is okay. We get to find out if our baby is okay and healthy. Looking down at my wristwatch I sigh. Zac is running late. He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. He had to pick Shepherd up because it was his day with Shepherd.

Kate had agreed not to take sole custody of Shepherd and now she was also allowing Zac to take him back to our place one weekend out of the month. Her whole attitude had changed once she knew I was pregnant. I know I'm probably crazy but I can't help thinking she has something planned with this new change.

Hearing the door open, I turn my head and raise an eyebrow when I see Kate coming in and my eyebrow goes even higher when she sits down beside me.

"Zac had to take Shepherd to the dentist," Kate informs her voice coming out as sweet as sugar. It makes me nervous how sweet it is. "He told me to come and be here with you when you got your results back on your little bastard's tests."

I roll my eyes when she calls the baby a little bastard. It's far from being a bastard and it hurts me that she has the nerve to call the baby a bastard. It's innocent in all of this.

"Nice to see you are still your old bitchy self," I mutter. "I was beginning to think you may have grown a heart."

Kate smirks, "I'll never stop being a bitch until Zac is mine again Avery."

Again I roll my eyes, "Zac is never going to be yours again Kate," I smile and want to say more but my name is called so I stand up and follow the nurse back, Kate hot on my heels. I almost wish she wasn't here. I hate her being here and when I see Zac I am going to rim him a new one for this.

Getting back to a room I am instructed to sit down and I sigh as my vitals are taken and put down on a chart by a nurse who leaves the room and tells me that the doctor will be with me shortly.

Once the nurse leaves, Kate sits down in the chair and eyes me, "You nervous about that thing inside of you?" she asks as she crosses her arms over her chest. "I know I would be if I was having my brother's baby."

"I am nervous," I admit ignoring the fact that she is being rude. "But hopefully the baby is fine," I smile as I put a hand on my stomach. I am slowly starting to show and I have a tiny bump now.

Kate rolls her eyes now, "You sound like Zac, so positive," she says as she watches me rub my belly. "I am betting the odds are both against you and once something is wrong with that bastard Zac will realize he can't be saddled with a kid who has something wrong with it, then he will come crawling back to me and his son, where he should be."

I glare at Kate. I hope she is wrong about the baby having something wrong with it and even if she isn't I highly doubt Zac would just leave me like that. He wouldn't abandon me or his kid, no matter the circumstances.

When the door opens again, I smile when I see the doctor come in the room. She looks happy so maybe things are okay with the baby. Maybe the baby is okay. I am still so hopeful that it is. I mean things minus Kate are going so good for Zac and I right now.

"It's nice to see you again Avery," the doctor speaks as her eyes travel to Kate and she just offers a smile, one in which Kate returns to her.

"It's nice to see you as well Dr. Harrison," I say as I watch her open her charts after she looks at Kate. "So the results are back?" I ask as I hear my voice crack some, showing the nerves I had been denying I had.

Dr. Harrison shakes her head yes and looks at me again. This time her face isn't showing any emotions and it has me worried. "Your daughter is a healthy young baby according to all of our tests."

Smiling when I hear the baby is okay, I put a hand on my stomach, "Did you hear that Junebug. You are okay," I say to my belly as I use the nickname for my daughter. It was a nickname Zac chose after we found out our baby was a girl. We still hadn't chose a name yet but Zac always keeps calling her Junebug so now I follow suit.

Looking up at the Doctor again, I watch as she leaves the room and I stand from the bed, going towards the door. I stop walking though when I feel a hand on my arm. Turning around I come face to face with Kate who I reckon has learned to walk silently.

"Your baby is fine," Kate smiles making me know there is something more she wants than to congratulate me. "Now how about we come to an agreement," she whispers as she moves her hand off my shoulder and crosses her arms. "You stick around town until you give birth and once that little bundle of incest joy is here you leave and let Zac and I raise her."

I almost want to laugh at her words but I don't. Instead I glare and cross my own arms, "And if I don't?" I ask feeling afraid of what she will say next.

Kate's smile turns to a smirk at my question, "I'll alert the police to your little relationship," she tells me before moving away, brushing past me on her way out of the room.

Standing there dumbfounded I frown but follow her out of the room, glad that I have let her get some distance between us because I really do not want to see her in the parking lot.

When I get to the waiting room I go to the receptionists desk and pay my co-pay before making a regular appointment for next month.

After everything is done inside I go out to my car, again I am thankful Kate is no longer there. Getting in the car I start it up and drive off. I know once Zac gets home I need to confront him about this. Him thinking it was okay to have Kate come to my appointment. He had to know it wasn't.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Hearing the door open I stand at the stove putting the finishing touches on the spaghetti I have made for dinner tonight. I know it's Zac coming in and I am ready for confronting him when he reaches the kitchen.

"I'm home," Zac's voice speaks from the doorway and I turn to face him, keeping my face neutral. I don't want to give away yet that I am mad at him.

"How was Shepherd's dentist appointment?" I ask him as I walk over to the cabinets where we keep our plates and I get them down.

Zac raises an eyebrow, "You remembered that was today?" he asks confused. "Because I forgot until I went to Kate's. Which reminds me Shepherd is passed out on the couch. He wanted to go to the park after his appointment so I agreed. The park wore him out and he was out like a light on the drive here."

Taking the plates to the stove, I sit them down, spooning spaghetti on each plate. "Actually I didn't remember either," I tell him. "Kate told me when she came to the doctor's office for me. I don't know why you thought sending her in your place was a good idea."

"What do you mean I sent her in my place?" Zac asks confusion clear in his voice. "I just told her I felt guilty for having to miss your appointment but I never sent her for me."

I roll my eyes when I finally realize that of course Kate lied to me. She did what she always does. She found a way to be a bitch and also to try to worm her away back into Zac's life romantically by the threat of telling the police about Zac and I if I don't leave town after giving birth.

"I should have figured she was lying," I state as I pick up a plate of spaghetti. Turning to face Zac again I hand the plate off to him. "She said you told her to come and be with me as I got the results," I laugh as I tell him the lie she told me.

Zac shakes his head, walking to the table with his plate. "You should have known better than to believe her Ave," he sighs.

I nod my head knowing he is right. "I know," I sigh dejectedly. "But she just lies so well," I shrug as I pick up my own plate of spaghetti and head to the table as well. "She also managed to threaten me."

At the mention of Kate threatening me Zac drops his fork, his eyes going dark. "How?" he asks through gritted teeth, "because I swear if she threatened our baby I will kill her," he snaps and I jump. From his expression and the way he spoke I could really believe he would indeed kill her if he had the chance.

"She didn't threaten harm against me," I smile hoping to calm him down. "She just said that she wants me to leave town after I give birth, especially now that she knows the baby is healthy. If I don't leave town then she is going to tell the police about us."

Zac's expression finally changes and he soon laughs as he picks up his fork and takes a bite of his food. "She's pathetic," he says after he swallows his food. "Don't be too worried about her threat. It's just empty-handed."

I give him another smile, "I'm not worried," I shake my head as I reach for my fork, finally taking a bite as well. "I know she is just talking out of her ass."

Zac offers me a smile and just like that everything is okay again between us. The rest of dinner goes by well and we both do the dishes. It's almost amazing how perfect things are and I can't help but give in to that pessimistic side of me. What if Kate does find a way to ruin all of this? What if she does get the police involved? Zac and I could go to jail, this would make headlines which would ruin the band. We could lose our child to child protective services.

Shaking my head I come out of my thoughts, looking over at Zac who is rinsing off one of the dishes. Smirking I lean in and kiss his cheek, "I love you Zac."

"I love you too Avery," Zac smiles as he turns his head to look at me. When we lock eyes he leans in and kisses me. I know that for now the dishes are going to have to wait, something that is confirmed as Zac picks me up and carries me down the hall to our bedroom. At least one good thing has came out of Shepherd and Kate catching us. We now have sex in our bedroom with the door locked when company is over.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Is Avery here?" Carrick asks after what seems like a long moment of silence.

The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Two

Waking up alone on the floor of the cabin, I look around trying to figure out where Taylor went. Things may have been hazy after I read Zac's letter but I know that I fell asleep in Taylor's arms as he tried to comfort me during my breakdown.

Standing up I look down at the shattered picture frames on the floor, realizing that I did that. I caused that damage to be done. I knew I would have to clean it up eventually. It was only right to do that, I had made the mess.

Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, I turn to see Taylor coming into view, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair dripping wet. At least he finally got a shower.

"You woke up," Taylor smiles at me, his hand running through his hair. I have to look away from him to stop the butterflies in my stomach. I haven't seen him naked since our drunken one night stand four months ago and even then I didn't get butterflies seeing him naked.

I nod my head, "Yeah, I was wondering where you had gotten off too," I force a smile as I turn to look at him again. I do my best to ignore the feelings he is causing me to have.

Taylor laughs as he sits down on the couch, "I figured it was time I finally showered. I swear my clothes could stand on their own when I took them off finally," he shrugs as he looks at me. The moment our eyes lock I feel my cheeks go red. Why is just looking into his eyes making me blush?

"I should probably shower then maybe we can go back home. I know Natalie is worried sick about you," I tell him as we keep eye contact, my blush getting much worse than it was before.

"I'm not sure still if I am ready to go home," Taylor says as he lips curl into something of a smirk or maybe I am just imagining that. "But we can talk about things," he nods. "Maybe we can also go to that diner down the road that has really amazing pancakes."

I shake my head a laugh coming out, "Zac always thought those pancakes were horrendous," I sigh as I walk down the hall towards the bathroom. I know I will have to put the same clothes back on but I need a shower. I need something to cool me down.

Going into the bathroom, I shut the door, stripping naked. Reaching for the clothes I took off I lay them on the back of the toilet and go to the shower, turning the water on. When I am satisfied with the temperature I step in, my head falling back as the water hits me.

Closing my eyes all I can see is Taylor standing in just a towel with his body dripping wet. Maybe this shower was a bad idea.

Biting my lip I let my hand travel between my legs one of my fingers finding their way inside of me. As I began to move it all I can think of is how Taylor felt inside of me when we had sex. It wasn't the best sex of my life but it was good.

Moaning out as my finger moves faster I close my eyes tighter a second finger going inside of me. I know I am really going to hell now if I wasn't before. Getting off to thoughts of Taylor. I don't love him so maybe I can equate what is happening today to being horny. It's not like I have had sex since our one night stand. I haven't.

"T...Taylor," I moan out as both of my fingers now move at the same pace. "Fuck Taylor."

The moment after I get the fuck Taylor out is when my eyes shoot open. Feeling someone moving my fingers out of me I look down into a pair of blue eyes. I want so badly to object or say anything but I don't, especially after he lifts my leg around his shoulder and his face heads towards my aching pussy.

I moan out again as I feel his tongue connect with my clit. My head falls back again though my eyes don't close at least not yet. First I let my hand go down and tangle in his hair which is getting wet again.

"Taylor," I whimper out as he takes my clit into his mouth, sucking on it slowly teasing me. He is just as good as Zac was at this. Though he will never be the best.

When Taylor moves his mouth away I pout, looking down at him. He just laughs as he stands up, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pulls me into him. The moment our lips connect I kiss him like I haven't been kissed in ages and I haven't at least not by the man I have wanted to kiss but he will never get that chance again because he is gone.

Kissing him more I let out a tiny groan as my back connects with the cold shower wall. "Taylor," I whisper letting myself pull away from him and look into his eyes. "I...we're not drunk."

"I know," he nods his head as he leaves a small kiss on my cheek. "But I think after last night this is what you need. To show you that you can survive without Zac. That you will be fine."

Before I have a chance to say anything more he kisses me again, his hand reaching down to lift my leg up to his waist. After he does that I close my eyes again as he enters me. His intrusion isn't unwanted though. In fact it is much needed. I need him right now. Maybe he is right. Even though I am thinking of Zac maybe I can survive without him.

Kissing him back I bit down on his bottom lip as he begins to move in and out of me at a nice pace. Before long I am matching his movements the only sounds in the bathroom now is the water running, the sound of skin on skin and an occasional moan out of either Taylor or I.

When Taylor's lips move off mine, finding their way down onto my neck, I close my eyes tighter moving my head only slightly so he can have better access to the spots he wants to kiss. It's during that moment that I can almost feel Zac's lips on me again.

Opening my eyes I take in my surroundings realizing that the feel of Zac's lips was just my imagination. Bringing Taylor closer to me I hold him as if he is my only lifeline my nails digging into his back as I do so.

"Fuck," I mutter as I feel my walls close around him my orgasm fully hitting me. "Taylor," I whimper out as I chew on my lip.

It's not long after I reach my orgasm that I feel Taylor slowing down his movements then I feel him release inside of me his lips now leaving small kisses all up and down my neck which makes me shiver.

Once he is done he lays his head against my shoulder leaving a small kiss there as well.

When he pulls away I just watch as he gets out of the shower. I stand there letting the now cold water hit me, waiting until I hear the door shut and I know he is gone before I get out.

Finding a towel I wrap it around me before I bend over to turn the shower off. When it's off that is when I hear a knock at the door. Going to the door I crack it just enough so I can hear Taylor talking to whoever it is.

"Carrick," Taylor speaks his words coming out shocked at the presence of Zac's best friend and my ex. Feeling my eyes widen I chew my lip hard wondering what he is doing here. Has my mother sent him to find me and her car again?

"Is Avery here?" Carrick asks after what seems like a long moment of silence.

Again another moment of silence passes before Taylor answers him, "Yeah she is. You can come in if you want."

Hearing Taylor's words I shut the door to the bathroom. Dropping the towel I dress quickly and leave the bathroom, finding that Taylor is still wearing just a towel, though he is now cleaning up the mess I made. The mess I was going to clean up.

Carrick who is standing awkwardly by the door notices me his eyebrow raising. "Did you just get out of the shower?" he asks his voice taking a tone I don't like. I feel like he is piecing things together. Figuring out that Taylor and I had sex. That Taylor is who I had sex with to make Zac think I had moved on.

"Yeah," I answer honestly watching as he looks at Taylor who passes him to go throw away the broken glass.

Carrick just shakes his head, "It was him," he says his voice sounding hurt. "He is the one you had sex with and you did it again," he accuses his words coming out much harsher than he has ever talked to me before. "What would Zac think?" he asks as he opens the door going outside.

Running a hand through my hair I follow behind him, "Why do you even care that I slept with him again? You have never judged me before," I yell out which causes him to stop in his tracks.

"I'm not judging you Avery," Carrick tells me as he turns to face me. "I guess I just thought...nevermind," he whispers as he shakes his head. "I just came here to tell you that your mom is worried and she said for you to call her."

With that said Carrick turns away from me again and walks back to his car. I jump when he slams the door shut. Frowning as he drives away I stand outside just staring at the now deserted parking place where his car was.

When I turn around I see Taylor standing on the porch. "I don't know what his problem is," I sigh as I make it to the porch.

"His problem is he loves you," Taylor states a smirk playing on his lips. "He loves you still."

Going silent at his words I refuse to believe them. Carrick doesn't still love me. Too much time has passed, anyway he knows I will never love him back, at least not romantically.


	23. September 16,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "A massage would be nice," I wink at him, moving so he can have better access to my back.

The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Three

Waking up in the middle of the night I groan as I get out of the small tour bus bunk bed. I'm six months pregnant now and those bunk beds really aren't the greatest thing in the world. Nor is being pregnant, not with the constant peeing I seem to be doing lately.

Reaching the bathroom I open the door fast. Going inside I race to the toilet and do my business quickly feeling a bit relieved though the back pain is still there. "I really wish you'd give mommy a break Junebug," I frown as I wash my hands quickly.

After my hands are washed I leave the bathroom, almost colliding with Zac once the door is open.

"Sorry," Zac apologizes giving me a smirk. "I didn't know you were in there," he laughs as he passes me to go in the bathroom.

"You should know I am in there. I am always in there lately. I think Junebug is permanently resting on my bladder," I joke as I walk away, going to sit down on a couch near the front of the bus. I need to sit up for awhile and see if I can get my back to stop hurting.

Hearing the bathroom door open I look up, seeing Zac come out. I smile when he walks over to where I am. "You could have went back to bed babe," I yawn out before kissing his cheek softly. "I would have but laying in that bed is making my back hurt."

Zac frowns when he hears me, "I can give you a massage if you want," he tells me as he reaches over, his hand rubbing my arm softly. His hand makes me shiver just a bit.

"A massage would be nice," I wink at him, moving so he can have better access to my back. When I feel his hands move to my back I close my eyes, smiling as his hands start to work their magic on my aching back. "Your hands feel really good Zac."

I hear Zac laugh but he keeps his hands moving, "I'm pretty sure anything I do to you feels good," he says sounding cocky about that. Of course he would be cocky that asshole.

"You have such a huge ego," I respond but moan out when his hands hit the right spot on my back. Hell, maybe he has a reason to have a huge ego, I am always feeding said ego. Fuck I am one of those people they call enablers.

I'm sure without even seeing Zac's face he is smirking. "I think your little moan just proved me right," he whispers as he leans in closer to me, his lips brushing my earlobe softly causing me to shiver again. "Maybe you should come sleep in my bunk after this."

I shake my head, "With both of it would be more cramped and my poor back would be even worse," I tell him not wanting to risk that. "Maybe once we get to California we can get a hotel room in one of the places we are at."

"Or we could stay at Carrick's," Zac suggests reminding me that Carrick will be at the California shows. I had almost forgot he was even coming.

"I forgot Carrick would be at the shows," I tell Zac honestly. "I'm kind of nervous to see him, I mean I haven't see him since we left California when we first got together. What if he was lying about not being upset? What if he is upset?" I ask not wanting problems from him when we already have them from Kate right now.

Zac stops rubbing my back but he stays close to me, his hands coming around to rest on my stomach, "I am sure he will be fine," he assures me as he kisses my earlobe. "You know I've been thinking about the baby." Zac starts changing the subject on me.

I raise my eyebrow, leaning into him, "What about the baby?" I ask wondering just what he has been thinking of.

"Names," Zac confesses which makes me turn to look at him.

I raise my eyebrow higher, "You have any you like?" I ask him curiously. I know I have some I like but I'm not sure if he'd like them.

Zac nods, "I was kind of thinking of Junia. It's connected to a Saint like Shepherd's name is and I mean we already call her Junebug anyway, may as well give her a June sounding name," he laughs a smile forming on his lips as if he is proud of himself for this. He has a reason to be though because I love the name Junia.

"I have a few names in mind that could go with Junia," I tell him as I put a hand on my belly, feeling the baby kicking me. "Rosa and Ruth. Rosa after that one song and Ruth from the bible. I think they'd both sound good with Junia actually," I smile as I rub my belly. "Junia Rosa Ruth Hanson."

Zac smiles as he pulls me into him again, my head now resting against his neck, "I like that name," he says his voice sounding sincere. "Junia Rosa Ruth Hanson it is then."

Yawning I close my eyes, falling asleep against him. I wasn't planning on sleep but I guess I needed it.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
When I open my eyes again I realize I am in my bunk. Zac must have brought me back to it at some point after I went to sleep. Getting out of the bunk again I walk down the hall towards the front, seeing Isaac reading a paper though there is no sign of anyone else.

"Where are we?" I ask Isaac when he looks up from his paper at me. The bus is stopped but I don't think we have got to the venue yet. The sun is still barely out yet.

Isaac turns the page of the paper he is reading, "A gas station. Zac and Taylor are in stocking up on junk food. We still have a few more hours until we will make it to the venue."

Not saying anything else to Isaac I just turn around, heading towards the back of the bus where I know Zac will be after his food run.

Shutting the door behind me I walk to the couch, laying down and letting my eyes close again. I'm almost asleep again when the door opens.

"Avery?" Zac asks as I feel him sit down at the end of where my feet are. "I thought I put you back in your bunk," he says as I hear his video game music start up.

"You did," I tell him as I open my eyes to look at him. "But I woke up and wanted to know where we were at."

Zac just nods but his attention is now in that video game and the junk food he is eating.

Rolling my eyes playfully I turn my head, trying to watch his game. "I will never understand your obsession with your boring ass video games," I tease him, laughing when he moves one of his hands off his controller long enough to flip me off.

"Yeah fuck you too baby," I say as I close my eyes again a content sigh escaping my lips. For once I am relaxed and I think it's because I am away from the state where Kate is. I don't have to worry about her maybe threatening me again with the cops nor trying to threaten Zac either.

Before I know it I have drifted off to sleep for a second time.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I'll sleep in the bedroom," I mutter as I stand up from the couch. "I'm sure you can handle the couch for the night," I tell him my voice going as cold as he is now acting towards me.

The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Four

Looking at Taylor as he drives us back from the diner I chew on my lip, "Do you regret what happened in the shower?" I ask him softly not even sure if he will hear my words.

Taylor looks at me, his blue eyes locking with my brown ones, "I may regret the first time we had sex a few months ago but I don't regret what we did today Avery."

After he speaks I go silent again. I am shocked by his words. I never expected him to say that he didn't regret it because I thought he would, even if he was doing it to show me I could survive without Zac. I just figured he would remember he has a wife and kids at home. That he can't just have sex with his sister or any other woman like that.

Seeing him arrive at the cabin I unbuckle as he comes to a stop. Still staying silent I get out of the car, following him back inside. "I don't regret it either," I finally speak once he has shut the front door. "Even if it did make Carrick jealous like you think."

Taylor smiles at me moving closer which gives me butterflies, "You have nothing to regret Ave," he tells me as his hands cup my chin. "I mean last I checked incest isn't new to you nor is Carrick your boyfriend."

"You're married," I remind him knowing I should regret sleeping with another married man. "I should regret sleeping with you at least for that."

"You've been with married men before," he whispers before putting his lips against mine again. This time the kiss isn't unexpected nor am I actually wanting or entertaining thoughts of pushing him away from me.

Kissing him back I slowly back us over to the couch. I know where this is going and I am not going to stop it. I need this again, I need sex with him again. The shower sex with him made me feel alive it seemed, he made me feel alive.

"I need you Taylor," I mutter into his mouth as we fall onto the couch, his hand instantly finding it's way under my shirt the minute we do.

He doesn't say anything, he just keeps kissing me, his lips moving down to my neck and his hand going farther up my shirt. His touch is almost like fire to my body. It's bringing me to life. Something I haven't felt since Zac died.

Pulling away from the kiss, I toss my shirt to the floor before bringing Taylor in for another kiss a moan coming out of me as his hands run across my bra his index finger and thumb slowly pulling on my nipple through the material of the bra.

"Taylor," I whimper out as he continues to tease me. "Just take me already," I snap out harshly as I pull away to look into his eyes. My words seems to open up something in him. Something raw and unknown to me. It almost scares me while turning me on at the same time.

Without saying anything Taylor moves away from me, "Turn over," he finally speaks his voice ragged. It's a tone he has never used with me but I obey him anyway, turning over for him.

Once I have done that I feel his weight on me, his lips going to my neck as his find their way beneath my waist. I let out a tiny moan when I feel his hands undoing my jeans but a whimper soon replaces that when Taylor moves away again. Is he trying to deliberately tease me and be an ass.

"Get on all fours Avery," Taylor tells me another command, one in which I follow. "Pull your pants down."

Biting my lip I reach down pushing my pants and panties down. As I do I hear Taylor's zipper being undone and I know he is going to do what I asked him. He is going to take me.

Feeling him over me again I close my eyes as his cock slowly rubs against my entrance. I'm glad that he is taking me there and not the other way he could take me. Zac tried that a few times. I never really liked it.

"Fuck," I moan out when he finally enters inside me. This time he isn't as gentle as he was in the shower but it still feels so good. It still makes me feel alive. When he starts to move inside of me I bit down on my lip again as my nails dig into the couch cushion.

Taylor's hands soon come to rest on my hips, his thrusts inside of me staying fast and harder which causes me to moan at almost every one of them. I don't think Zac or Carrick was ever this animalistic when it came to fucking but I could see how it fits Taylor.

"Is this what you wanted Avery?" he asks me as his nails dig into the flesh of my hips. I'm not sure if that was on purpose or not. Is it wrong that I think it was? "Is this how you wanted me to take you?" he asks before moving one of his hands off of my waist.

Feeling the hand go around me I shiver as it comes between my legs. "It is how I wanted you to take me," I answer him right before his index finger slips inside of me. The moment it connects with my clit I close my eyes tighter. Taylor has definitely had tons of practice on how to fuck a woman.

Before I know it I feel my orgasm coming on and I scream out Taylor's name at the same time he releases inside of me. Collapsing against the couch I open my eyes feeling Taylor move out of me.

I'm not even sure if I can move but I try too. I slowly turn over on my back adjusting my pants and panties before zipping my jeans back up. "Fuck," I mutter not sure what else to say about what has just happened.

Taylor who has also finished fixing his pants again looks at me as he sits down on the couch, "We should head back home tomorrow," he tells me as he looks straight ahead. "No one is too know what happened here at the cabin," he informs me. "I did it for you and that is it."

Going silent I nod to let him know I understand but a part of me doesn't. Before this time he seemed so gentle and sweet. Now he is closed off and reserved almost like a robot. Did what just happen this time change him?

"I'll sleep in the bedroom," I mutter as I stand up from the couch. "I'm sure you can handle the couch for the night," I tell him my voice going as cold as he is now acting towards me.

Without another word I head to the bedroom, shutting and locking the door when I get there. Going to the bed I lay down but don't cover up. Instead I bring my knees to me and cry. Of course Taylor was just using me because no one will ever love me, at least not the way Zac did. No one but Carrick.

Closing my eyes I wipe my tears away. When we get home tomorrow I will make a mental note to go by Carrick's hotel. Apologize for today and then try to get back in his good graces. I can't let our friendship be ruined because he may be jealous over an asshole like Taylor.  
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The next day I follow Taylor all the way back into Tulsa, though instead of going to his house I drive back to my parents house. Parking the car in the driveway I get out watching as my mom comes running over to me.

"Avery Laurel Hanson," she sighs as she pulls me into a hug, holding me to her tightly. "I was so worried about you," she mutters. As she hugs me I feel her body shudder and it's then I realize she is crying. "I was scared I had lost another child."

Frowning I hug my mom back, "You didn't lose me, I just, I knew where to find Taylor. It took awhile but I finally convinced him to come back," I lie to her as she pulls away, looking me over. I know I shouldn't but I feel scared she will be able to look at me and see that I fucked Taylor. That I allowed him to use me not once but twice.

My mom smiles but I can tell it is forced, "Don't ever do that again, disappear like that and not call," she mutters before wiping at her eyes. "Kate left you something while you were gone, actually she ran it by Carrick. It's in your bedroom."

I nod watching as my mom walks inside. I'm sad that Zac's death has now made my mother so scared she has lost a child when she doesn't hear from them after just a day. I'm also shocked at her telling me that Kate had Carrick run something over to the house. I'm guessing whatever it is, is maybe what Zac talked about in the letter.

Hell maybe Kate isn't that much of a bitch after all or maybe she has just let me have that as a bargain for me letting her keep Junia which I still haven't decided on. I'm still not sure what I want to do about Junia.

Taking out my cell phone I walk to the porch, dialing Carrick's number as I do. When I put the phone to my ear after hitting to call him, I raise an eyebrow when I hear part of First Class playing not far from where I am standing.

Turning I look towards the door seeing Carrick standing there. I hadn't expected him to be here not after yesterday.

"Your mom asked me to stay for dinner after I brought by the thing Kate wanted me too," Carrick shrugs as he looks away from me. "I can never turn your mom's cooking down."

I laugh moving the phone away from my ear, "I was just calling to see if we could meet somewhere," I tell him as I stop the call, putting my phone back in my pocket. "I wanted to apologize for what you saw yesterday. It was stupid of me. I made a mistake like I always do."

Carrick looks at me before he steps out onto the porch, "I'm sorry," he whispers pulling me into a hug.

Hugging him back I break down in tears. Maybe I could try to love Carrick again. Maybe I could do what Taylor says and live, let myself be with Carrick.

"Where is Piper?" I ask remembering his girlfriend from the hotel.

"She left me," Carrick mutters as he pulls away. "She seems to think I still love you."

Feeling him wipe my tears away I close my eyes at his touch, "Do you still love me?" I ask him wanting to know if Piper and Taylor are both right.

When he doesn't answer me right away I open my eyes, raising an eyebrow. I want an answer from him but I think his silence is answer enough. He does still love me.

"I do," Carrick finally confirms his face falling. "I still love you Avery."

Swallowing hard I run a hand through my hair. I know what I am going to do now. What I have to do. "After Zac's memorial service will you help me get Junia back? W..we can raise her together and try to..try to be a couple again," I smile. Maybe I can fake it til I make it with him. At least I hope I can.

Seeing the grin on Carrick's face I know he won't object which makes me happy. "Of course I will Avie," he nods before pulling me into another hug.

I hug him back as I close my eyes again. He'll never have to know that right now I don't love him. That I'm just settling for him. I mean he is good enough for me and I have seen him with Junia so I know he would love her as much as he loves me. Carrick is the right man to help me try to move on. It should have been him in the shower and not Taylor. It should have been him on the couch that I wanted to take me, not Taylor.


	25. December 18,2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I am good," I nod forcing a smile before holding Junia closer to me.

The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Five

Sitting in the hospital bed I smile as I watch Junia sleep. She looks so content and happy. I reckon I would be happy too if I was only three days old and having everyone doting on me as well.

Seeing Junia slowly move in her sleep, her eyes opening I reach into the bassinet she is in, taking her out. "Hey baby girl," I say softly as I kiss her forehead, inhaling her newborn scent. "Did you enjoy your nap?" I ask when she cooes up at me.

"Oh you did?" I smile as I talk to her like she understands me. "I am glad you did. Mommy liked watching you sleep. I'm sure if daddy were here he would have too," I say as I think of Zac. He is off at some Christmas show they are doing. I kind of wish he were here with me but I know band stuff comes first, it always has.

Hearing the door open I look up, making a face when I see Kate come in the room. I was expecting it to be Jessica. She was the one who was supposed to be picking Junia and I up and taking us home.

"Avery," Kate starts a smirk playing on her face. "How are you feeling after giving birth to that precious little girl?" she asks when she makes it to where I am. Her hand slowly reaches out to ruffle what little hair Junia has on her head.

I chew on my lip wondering just what she is up too. "I am good," I nod forcing a smile before holding Junia closer to me. "Still in a bit of pain but the doctors say that is normal for someone who has given birth naturally."

Kate smirks more, "I'm sorry to hear about the pain," she tells me her voice thick with some sort of new tone I have never heard her use before. "But to be honest I'm not here because of you. I'm here to tell you I have contacted Child Protective Services," she says as she produces a paper from her purse, handing it to me.

Before taking the paper I put Junia in her bassinet again. Once I know she is snug in there I then take the paper from Kate. Unfolding it I look it over, swallowing a lump in my throat. It's a written statement from her. She has told them everything about Zac and I.

"You really did it," I whisper unable to believe she has really followed through with one of her threats. "You turned us in."

Junia lets out a cry before Kate can answer me. Instead of answering me, she picks Junia up, rocking her in her arms.

"I did turn you guys in," Kate nods as she looks up at me. "I told you I would if you decided not to do what I wanted and leave Zac once this beautiful baby girl was born," she smiles before looking down at Junia again. "I will go back on what I said in that on one condition Avery," she says as she keeps her eyes on Junia.

Swallowing hard I am sure I know what that condition is but I want to ask anyway. "What?" I ask my voice cracking when I feel tears wanting to come out.

Kate still keeps her eyes on Junia, "Leave," she says her voice so calm and clear. "Leave Tulsa behind. Let me raise Junia with Zac," she smiles one last time down at my daughter who she has calmed down. "Never speak a word of her being yours."

Closing my eyes I run a hand through my hair, "No," I spit out not wanting to give my daughter up. I'm already so attached to that baby in Kate's arms. "I'm not doing it."

"Then have it your way," Kate sighs before putting Junia down. "You do know this will ruin the band right. Their image will never be the same once the fans know that you and Zac were in a relationship," she hisses before turning on her heels and leaving the room.

Not even five minutes after Kate leaves the room, Natalie walks in slamming the door behind her which makes Junia cry again.

Frowning I reach over, picking my daughter up, "What are you doing here?" I ask figuring Kate has sent her to do her dirty work. Natalie has always done Kate's dirty work no matter how wrong she thinks it is. It's like she feels some sort of weird loyalty to her best friend.

"I'm here to tell you I think you are a selfish bitch," she snaps as she shakes her head. "Refusing Kate's offer like that. You do realize when the band ends all of them will blame you. Even Zac will blame you because he will know you had a chance to save them from being ruined and you didn't. You decided to be selfish."

Feeling tears in my eyes again I shake my head trying to shush Junia who is still crying. "I'm not being selfish," I whisper knowing that she has a point. Zac will be upset if the band gets ruined. He will be upset if he knows it's because of me.

Natalie laughs before sighing loudly, "That is bullshit Avery. You are being selfish. You had a good fucking deal and you ruined it. You are a mother, I think it's time you start acting like one instead of the impulsive child you are," she snaps before turning and walking towards the door.

Chewing on my lip I frown, "Wait," I tell her, watching her stop after I tell her to wait. "I..is Kate serious?" I ask raising my eyebrow. "She really turned us in and she'll admit to lying if I leave."

Natalie turns to face me, her expression blank, "You saw the paper she had Avery. I'd say she really turned you guys in. As for her admitting to lying to her claims if you leave, you know she keeps her word," Natalie smiles as she walks closer to me.

Chewing my lip harder I look away from her and down at Junia who has stopped crying. "I'm sorry baby girl," I tell her as I look in her eyes. "Mommy has to leave you but I know daddy will take good care of you. So will Kate even if she hates me she loves babies," I mutter as I feel my heartbreaking. "Mommy is gonna give you to Aunt Natalie now. You have to promise to be a good girl and not cry. Look after your daddy for me."

Once I finish talking to Junia I look at Natalie seeing her standing beside my bed. Handing Junia over to her I stand up once she has her. "Take care of her," I whisper wiping away my tears. Turning away from Natalie I walk out of the room. I don't look back because I know if I do I will change my mind. I will change my mind and ruin everyone's lives, including Zac's.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Awhile later I am at the apartment packing my things. I had called a cab to bring me back after I left the hospital. I'm sure by now everyone knows why I have left. Why I wasn't there Jessica came by. I'm almost expecting a call from Zac though I'm not sure what I will say when he does call.

At that thought my phone rings. Seeing it laying on the bed, I sigh and pick it up, looking at Zac's name on the i.d. Taking a deep a breath I hit to talk to him, almost regretting it.

"Hello?" I ask into the receiver waiting on his words. Waiting on him trying to change my already set mind. I am not going to back down for fear of Kate, of what she will do to us if I don't leave. I want her to just recant everything. She will if I leave.

"Avery," Zac's voice comes across the phone. He sounds so sad that it makes me frown. "Jessie, she told me you left. That Natalie said you wanted Kate to raise Junia with me," he croaks out which makes me frown more. Fuck he is crying.

I nod even though he can't see me right now. "I did," I confirm wondering if he has been told why. I kind of hope he has. I hope Kate has confessed to what she did.

Zac sighs and I hear him sob a few times. "Why?" he asks so perplexed. He almost sounds stunned that I would be considering this. Like he has no idea, which leads me to believe Kate hasn't told him a thing.

Swallowing a lump I sit down on the bed, "Because Kate turned us in Zac. She actually did it and the only way she would take back what she said is if I leave. I can't ruin the band. I can't be responsible for that. I am a mother now and it's time I stop thinking about me. Stop putting my needs before everyone else's."

"Avie if you stay with me you aren't doing that," Zac tries to reason. "It'd be putting your family first. Your daughter."

"I am putting my daughter first," I tell him as I wipe away a few tears that have fallen down my cheeks. "I am letting her have a life where she doesn't have to know about incest. Where she doesn't have to know her mom ruined her father's image because she was being selfish."

"Avie please," Zac pleads but I just hang up on him. My mind's made up and no one can stop me. I am leaving him and doing what is best.

Standing from the bed, I turn my phone off before going to my suitcase. Finishing up packing I slowly take off the engagement ring Zac gave me a few months back, laying it on the nightstand. With one last sad look around the room I pick up the suitcase and leave the room.

Going outside of the apartment I walk to my car where I open the trunk, sticking the suitcase in there. When it's secure I shut the trunk and get in. Fighting off more tears I start my car, driving away from the apartment, driving away from the life I thought I would have with Zac and Junia. I know one day that Zac will understand why I did this. He will understand and be okay. Hell maybe when Junia is eighteen we can even try again if he can come to forgive me for this.

"Goodbye Tulsa," I whisper as I drive out of Tulsa. "Goodbye my baby girl. Goodbye Zac."


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I know because I love you too," he whispers before pulling away.

The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Six

Two months have now passed since Zac's death. Two long agonizing months. It's October and it's also his birthday. Looking at Carrick I smile as he holds Zac's urn in his hands. Somehow I don't know how but he convinced Kate to give our parents his ashes. I am guessing it's also the same way he convinced her to let me have my daughter back.

The day after Zac's memorial I had been pleasantly surprised to see Kate on the doorstep, Junia on her hip. She had explained that she thought it was best Junia be with her real mom. That she had tried her best to tell Junia the truth about me being her mom. She also said she'd like for me not to move too far away if I did leave Oklahoma. She still wanted Junia and Shepherd to be close because all they knew was each other for the past two and a half years.

I never had to ask Carrick but I knew. I knew deep down he had convinced her. He had been talking to her throughout the reception after the memorial. I am kind of glad he has such a way with people. That he did this for me. Got my daughter back, got Zac's ashes so that we could spread them ourselves.

"You ready Avery?" Carrick asks me as he opens the urn. I nod my head, watching as he takes some of the ashes in his hand dropping them on the ground where our old tree house used to stand. It's gone now but I know Zac would want to be here. It's where he was always the happiest as a child.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Avery," Zac's voice sounds beside me. I turn my head to look at him. A smile forming on my lips. I'm only seven years old now and the fact that my older brother is actually showing me attention instead of being so wrapped in his video games is surprising.

"Yeah, Zac?" I ask wondering what he wants from me. The last time he actually showed me attention it was so Taylor could go and behead all my Barbie’s.

Zac chews his lip running a hand through his long hair. "C..can you come outside and play in the tree house with me?" he asks as he sits down on the couch next to me.

I look at him cautiously wanting to know why Taylor can't do that or Isaac even. Why is he asking me?

"What about Isaac and Taylor? Can't they play with you in the tree house?" I ask before sighing and looking away. I just really don't want to go off with him to only come back and find my Barbie dolls beheaded again.

Zac frowns when I mention our older brother's. "Isaac and Taylor both had dates tonight," he mocks before scrunching up his face. They never seem to have time for me anymore."

Frowning as well I stand from the couch, "Fine I will go outside and play with you but if I come in to see my Barbie’s with no heads I am telling Mom."

"You won't have too," Zac grins as he stands from the couch. "First one outside is a rotten egg," he yells before taking off towards our sliding glass doors. Opening it he runs outside, leaving me the dust. I don't think I have seen anyone so happy to get to go outside and play.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Coming out of my thoughts I look at Carrick again seeing he is almost done scattering the ashes in his hand. Reaching into the urn with my free hand I take some of the ashes and walk closer to the back door. Getting to the right spot I bend down slowly letting Zac's ashes go, a tear going down my cheek as I watch them blow off in the wind.

I can't help but think he is free now. He is free to be wherever he wants to be. Free to go anywhere. No one will hurt him again. Not Kate, Not me, Not Taylor.

"Mommy," Junia speaks making me look at her. It's still so weird when I hear her call me mommy, a habit she has started just two weeks ago. "Don't cry," she frowns before wiping away a few of my tears.

I smile kissing her cheek, "I will try not to cry," I tell her as I stand up, walking back to where Carrick is.

He takes a few more of Zac's ashes out, walking to another spot in the yard, letting them fly free. We each alternate with the ashes after that until there is just enough left for a tiny bottle.

"I wanna keep the rest," I tell Carrick. "For Junebug to have a part of her daddy with her forever."

Carrick nods, shutting the urn. "You ready to go back to your parents house? I think we have a few more hours until we have to leave. I think your mom said she was making meatloaf."

At the thought of meatloaf I feel my stomach turn, "I think I am going to skip on dinner," I sigh following him back to his car. "The thought of meatloaf or any food is making my stomach turn right now."

"You need to eat though Avery," Carrick lectures me as he opens the backseat of his car, moving out of the way so I can put Junia in her booster seat. "It's what's best."

I smile and peck his lips after I get Junia in. "I know what's best babe." I tell him. "I have done this before you know," I laugh as I walk to the passenger side of the car. "I know how to take care of myself."

Carrick grins but stays silent on the drive to my parents house. When we get there he pulls in behind a familiar looking SUV. I'm sure it's Natalie and Taylor's new car they got a week ago.

Chewing on my lip I freeze in my seat not sure if I can breathe. I haven't seen Taylor since Zac's memorial service and before that it was at the cabin the second time we had sex. I'm not sure if I'm ready to face him. Not right now.

"You okay?" Carrick asks me as he unbuckles his seatbelt. "If you want we can just go get fast food so you don't have to see him."

I shake my head no, "I'm fine Care," I smile before unbuckling as well. "Just give me a few minutes out here by myself okay."

Carrick nods before getting out and then also getting Junia out carrying her inside the house where I am sure she will run off and play with Taylor and Natalie's children.

Taking a few deep breaths I place a hand on my stomach feeling a tiny pain there. I chalk it up to nerves but I also know it could be other things. Closing my eyes I take a few deep breaths again hoping to calm myself down. The last thing I need is to be upset. It isn't good for me.

Hearing a knock on the window I open my eyes turning to see his damn blue eyes staring at me. When he motions for me to get out I nervously do just that, crossing my arms as I look at him. I refuse to speak first, not after the way he acted at the cabin towards me or the way he blew me off afterwards since then.

"You and Carrick are moving to Oklahoma City?" Taylor asks as he locks eyes with me. I want to ask him how he heard but then I just figure mom probably told him about our purchase of a four bedroom house there. Oklahoma City is only an hour away from Tulsa so I know it's still close enough for Junia to be able to see Shepherd.

I nod, confirming his question, "Yeah," I finally speak my voice almost wavering. "Carrick and I bought a house there a week ago. It's big enough for all of us and I figure it's close enough that I can still bring Junia back here to see Shepherd whenever she wants too. It's closer than New York anyway."

Taylor sighs running a hand through his blonde locks. It looks like he has dyed it again or at the very least got highlights. I wish he'd leave his hair alone sometimes. "I figured you'd stay around Tulsa. At least for awhile so Junia could adjust."

"Junia is adjusting just fine," I reply as a hand falls to rest on my stomach. "She is adjusting better than I thought she would. She is strong like Zac was which is good because I wouldn't want her to be broken like me."

Taylor shakes his head, "You aren't broken Avie," he frowns as he reaches out a hand resting on my cheek. His touch makes me shiver and ignites something in my bones. "I always wondered why and how Zac could love you," he sighs his voice getting soft towards the end. "Now I know how and why."

At his words I raise an eyebrow feeling cold as his hand moves off my cheek. "Y..you know?" I ask not able to even speak at first. How can I speak after what he just said? Is he saying he loves me? It seems to me like that is what he is saying.

Taylor smiles before he leans in to kiss my forehead, "I know because I love you too," he whispers before pulling away. "But unlike Zac I love my family too much to leave them," he sighs as he chews his lip. "I'm sure Carrick is the better choice anyway. He's the one Zac would want you with and he's the one who will be a better dad to Junia and any future kids you decide to have."

Standing there in silence I nod knowing he is right. Carrick is the better choice but that doesn't mean I want Carrick. Yes, I like Carrick but I'm not in love with him yet. Though to be honest I'm not in love with Taylor either. But I know deep down that Carrick is the best choice, especially with our current situation.

"I should go in again before Natalie gets worried," Taylor tells me, walking off before I can reply back.

Watching him leave I take a deep breath not even sure if I am awake or dreaming this. God I really hope I am dreaming this right now. Shaking my head I turn to head inside as well.  
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Smiling as I stand in mine and Carrick's house I finish putting away a few of things while Carrick is upstairs getting Junia to bed. She was having trouble sleeping in her new bed and the only way she even agreed to sleep with a night light on was if Carrick slept beside her in the bed.

Humming along to one of the songs on the mix cd that Zac had left behind for me I pull on the necklace that now has the engagement ring he had given me. The mix cd and the engagement ring on a necklace were the things he had refereed to in his letter to me.

When the last song on the cd ends I just turn off the radio, sitting down on the couch, putting my feet on the coffee table. I'm about to close my eyes when I hear a guitar from somewhere and I turn my head to see Carrick coming down the stairs.

Hearing the song he is playing I smile. It's a song he has been playing now for the past few weeks in the hotel before we go to sleep.

When he sits on the couch beside me I watch as he stops playing only briefly to pully my shirt up, then he starts playing again, "Hey you, you're a child in my head, you haven't walked yet, your first words have yet to be said. But I swear you'll be blessed."

Putting a hand on my stomach as he continues to sing I shake my head. I know he is singing to the baby in there. The baby that I am now ten weeks pregnant with.

"You don't have to sing to the baby every night you know," I tell him when he finishes the song.

Carrick shrugs as he takes the guitar strap off, laying it on the floor. "I know but I want too. I want our son to know my voice."

When he says our son I force a smile. I have too because I know I am lucky he agreed to be with me and be the father of my baby..my babies. "What makes you think it's a boy?" I ask curiously. "I am kind of hoping it's a girl."

"Call it father's intuition," he smiles before leaning in to kiss me on the lips. "I love you and our baby," he mutters on my lips.

Kissing him back I just moan into the kiss. Maybe I can come to love him. I know I owe it to him for what he is doing for me and my babies. Junia and this unborn baby will be lucky to have him. I know I am which is why I really can't take him for granted.


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You were supposed to be asleep," I smile as I watch him stand from the chair, moving to the bed and sitting down beside me.

The Broken One Epilogue

Laying in the hospital bed I smile down as I hold my newborn daughter in my arms. She is so beautiful, so beautiful and tiny. She is much tinier than Junia ever was at birth.

"You are so precious my little Brennan Taylor Gerety," I smile as I use her full name. Brennan had been Carrick's choice while mine had been Taylor. I'm sure Carrick hadn't been happy with it but I felt like it suited her the moment I saw her.

"She is very precious," Carrick yawns from the chair beside the bed which makes me turn my head to look at him.

Moving some I adjust Brennan in my arms, "You were supposed to be asleep," I smile as I watch him stand from the chair, moving to the bed and sitting down beside me.

"I was but then I heard you talking to our daughter and I woke up," Carrick laughs before leaning down and placing a kiss on Brennan's forehead. "You know I think your mom would love to come back here and see her. Heck I'm sure everyone out in the waiting room would love to know we finally have our daughter here. I mean it's been two hours since she was born. We have had enough time bonding with her."

I sigh knowing he has a point, "What if Taylor wants to come back here?" I ask as I chew on my lip. I am afraid that Taylor will take one look at Brennan and know she is his. That Carrick is not the dad of this little girl.

Carrick kisses my cheek softly, "Then he will come back here. It's not like he will be able to tell Avery. Brennan looks like every newborn. Anyway he has no idea he should even be questioning her paternity. We did get together as soon as you guys got back. It's not like he knows we didn't have sex until after you knew you were pregnant."

I nod swallowing a lump in my throat. Carrick has a point, he always has a point. "Then go tell them about our daughter," I smile when I turn to look at him. "Tell them about Bree," I say using a nickname on her already.

When Carrick stands and leaves, I turn my attention back to Brennan who opens her eyes, looking around the room. I do feel somewhat guilty for lying and not being honest about her father but I have been down this road with Zac, I can't go down it again. Anyway just seven months ago he had told me he loved his family too much to ever leave them. If Natalie knew about Brennan really being Taylor's she'd flip and leave him, I mean she was after all part of the reason why I left Junia behind three years ago.

"Mommy did the right thing," I tell Brennan when she looks at me. "Mommy gave you a daddy who will love you and be there for you no matter," I nod knowing Carrick will. He loves her already and he is head over heels for Junia who seems to enjoy having him wrapped around her tiny finger.

Smiling I look up at the ceiling, "I just wish you were here Zac," I say as I close my eyes. I do wish Zac were here even if things would be different. "Say a few good words for me up there. Keep my secret safe," I whisper before opening my eyes and laying back on the bed.

Not long after I lay back I watch as Carrick comes back with my mom who as it seems insisted to be the first one back so she could see the new grand-baby first. I just laugh as I watch my mom with her. Feeling sleepy I close my eyes and drift off. I know things still aren't okay but if they can stay this perfect than I am good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: So this story was kind of a therapy for me in ways. I started writing it after I had a friend, a man who I once loved commit suicide. Thus Avery loses Zac who she once loved to suicide.
> 
> A few of things in here relate to my real life and my relationship with him minus of course the incest and being pregnant with his baby. But it really was a soothing and healing process and I'm glad I did this story in the end and I was really shocked by how many people read it when I originally posted it on livejournal.


	28. Soundtrack

Part One: Zac's Mixtape to Avery

  1. Stay-Shaun Reynolds and Laura Pringle
  2. Crash Into Me-Boyce Avenue
  3. Stubborn Love-The Lumineers
  4. Iris-Goo Goo Dolls
  5. Shameless-Garth Brooks
  6. Don't Speak-No Doubt
  7. The One That Got Away-Katy Perry
  8. She Will Be Loved-Tiffany Alvord feat. Boyce Avenue
  9. Clarity-Sam Tsui
  10. Red-Tyler Ward
  11. Love's To Blame- for King&Country
  12. Someone Like You-Boyce Avenue
  13. Desperado-The Eagles
  14. Juliet-Hanson



Part Two: Avery's Feelings

  1. You Picked Me-A Fine Frenzy
  2. Dancing Queen-ABBA
  3. Real Real Sweet-Meiko
  4. White Horse-Taylor Swift
  5. Got A Hold On Me-Hanson
  6. Unfaithful-Rihanna
  7. Til I Hear It From You-Gin Blossoms
  8. On The Rocks-Zac Hanson
  9. Can't Help Falling In Love-Ingrid Michaelson
  10. Desire-Ryan Adams
  11. River-Glee Cast
  12. Don't Worry Baby-The Beach Boys
  13. Sweet Child O Mine-Guns N Roses
  14. First Class-Everybody Else
  15. Juliet-Hanson
  16. Father Figure-George Michael
  17. Blessed-Elton John




End file.
